Friday, December 31, 2010

Addressing Maitresse's Concerns

Maitresse, in Her kind nature of being concerned for Her property, has expressed a concern and instructed Her slave to do some on-line research in to the topic. Given that i am bound and in a prone state, She is worried that i may choke if She uses me too quickly/naturally. Her specific statement was that the human body is not designed to consume in a prone position and given my bondage She worries i may become dangerously choked and unable to clear my throat. She wanted me to find a couple of possible solutions to this problem on the net though i have only been able to come up with one. However, given the bench design, i am not concerned at all with becoming dangerously choked, which i will discuss shortly.

i have attempted to find discussions regarding this issue and have not found anything specific to the topic. Most topics center around the how/why a Mistress would want a toilet slave, how long to use a toilet slave without a break ("real" food, water, etc), and other such topics. A couple topics centered around "volume" and the slave being able to keep up. i think that is is more of a problem than actual choking. Large or continuous volumes of solid or liquid waste seem to pose the largest problem but are somewhat overcome with practice. However, toilet slaves are still hindered by the amount of solid material that can be put in the mouth before overflowing. Practice and determination allow it to flush quickly enough to please its Owner/User. i think that this is my largest issue... how to consume quickly enough to keep up. Golden, for me, based upon my last service seems to be largely resolved. Brown gifts, though, may still be somewhat of an issue. Luckily for Maitresse and i both, usually Her gifts do not require much chewing before being flushed. In fact, more often than not, they can be flushed down Her toilet's throat without any actual "processing" by the receptacle. Therefore, actual risk of windpipe blockage is very minimal. More of a risk is aspirating a small amount of material during large volumes but that is a risk all toilet's face. Thus, the largest problem is how to consume the volume given during a natural bowel movement. This, i can only assume from what i've read, is a function of practice and willpower. i have the will but the willpower has been somewhat missing for a while. However, i firmly believe that this situation has been resolved.

i can only assume that Maitresse wants to continue to have a bound toilet. She seems to really like the idea and the possibilities it presents by using a toilet box. One possible alternative is to slant the entire bench to allow for a better "flow" from mouth to stomach. This is not all that practical though as the slave would slide down the bench. Perhaps a slight modification can be made in the future to slightly angle the bench but i really don't know how well that would work. A better option i feel is to more elevate the head and neck. i have a pillow inside the box but i think i should go out and look for an extra firm one. This would, i feel, elevate the head a slight bit more and allow for a better angle for material to go down.

It is a comfort that Maitresse takes such concern in Her slave. Both She and i desire for me to be nothing but an object and for Her to not need to be concerned with Her slave... and simply use it. i honestly feel that given the design of the box itself there is extremely little risk in my becoming choked to the extent of being dangerous. i may make a mess, but life and health should not be a factor. In my design, my head is not restrained. It can turn as far as a head can in any regular bed. Therefore, should i actually get choked i can turn my head to my side and nature will take care of the issue through coughing, etc. Also, should the unthinkable happen, the box can be flipped over quickly and the entire bench (with me still on it) could be overturned as the bench itself is not super stable. With the help of another, flipping the bench over would not be all that difficult. After much thought and consideration, in order to maintain the realism of what Maitresse and i are trying so hard to accomplish, elevating the head a touch more seems to be the most viable solution. Other than that, the slave would not be bound at all which takes away from the experience of being a toilet.

In my most humble opinion, i believe that Maitresse should feel completely at ease in viewing Her toilet as just that.. something She uses. She should not be concerned for my safety as i think overall its the best possible design and one that i found online to be the best if a slave is to be bound. The only words She may need to speak to Her toilet are "golden" or "brown" as this helps the slave position its head where it should be to perform its duties. i wouldn't mind my head being a bit more restrained as this gives the feeling of even less control over the situation but i left it "loose" to allow for a possible emergency. Especially with the head rest modification, i see no greater risk of choking than one choking on their own salvia or in eating some regular foods. In fact, the risk is probably less than eating a steak given the consistency of "hardness". The only issue is volume and filling the mouth (especially solids) to over capacity before consumption. Maitresse may have to somewhat control how much is released at one time but certainly with much less control than Goddess has been so kind to exercise up until now.

i hope this post answers some of Your concerns and responds to Your instructions, dear Goddess. i hope that You turn me in to Your toilet furniture. i am Yours to use as You like!.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Realistic Long Term Use

It is time, as per Maitresse's instructions, to focus on "reality". i have longed to be used for extended periods and to be objectified in such a way that i am simply used as Maitresse goes about living Her life... coming and going. She seems interested in owning a toilet that She can use as She goes about Her life and Her day as well. There are a couple of problems with this situation that have to be addressed to make it a realistically "doable" situation.

The first is cramping of the slave. i have had issues with being bound on my back for extended periods... mostly with my shoulders. i think what will solve this issue will be a wider pad that supports the shoulders more. The other possibility would be a larger pillow that supports not only the slave's head but its shoulders as well. i'll be looking for such a pillow this week. If this issue can be worked out, i see no reason that the slave could not be bound for hours and hours. Sure, there are always issues such as an itch here, need to scratch there. A certain amount of discomfort is to be expected... it is BDSM after all. However, severe discomfort such as shoulder pain that grows and grows does not help the toilet perform.

The second major issue is the disposal of the slave's own waste. i feel certain i would not be bound for double-digit hours so i feel pretty good that i don't have to come up with a way to deal with my own solid. So, what to do about the liquid? i've been looking but have not found yet some clear, thin plastic tube that is large enough to fit over the slave's cock. However, i feel sure i will be able to come up with something. What i am thinking is that the Kali's Teeth would be substituted for a piece of tube. This would be held to the slave's cock via round pipe clamp (the kind that is very adjustable). i would then run the other end in to a large plastic bag (such as a gallon size zip-lock) and seal it with another pipe clamp. In such a way, i think the slave could dispose of its own liquid waste without needing to be released. The other option is an adult diaper. However, this is not a very attractive option but one that could be done quickly. With the slave's body hidden, it might be a viable option to Maitresse.

Another question to be answered is the edge play aspect. They say to not play and be bound alone. It is something of a risk. However, it is a calculated risk if a slave is to become truly a toilet for extended periods while not requiring its Owner to be "bound" to the house while the slave is serving. There is one safety factor in the new bench i have which is its weight. i think i could turn it over if i tried hard enough. Perhaps some bolt cutters (i already have them laid out when i serve anyway) would be left in the room in case of great emergency (fire, etc). With some work, the slave could probably escape if it absolutely had to. i'm not very worried about this situation, though. This is edge play and the chance of something happening while bound alone is very very slim. It's not much of a risk in my opinion.

One other thought is "safe words". i wonder about them if i am to become truly a toilet. i wonder if they should not be honored if i am to be totally owned by Goddess. i trust Maitresse more than enough to not have them... to trust in Her looking after the overall well-being of Her property. i wonder if i am to become a living object She owns if all decisions/speaking should be taken away and the care/maintenance of Her toilet vested with Her. On the other hand, i am scared of not having a safe word for cramping, etc. However, i am fully convinced that there should be no release/safe word for the actual disposal of Her gifts. i believe that from here out all must be consumed and consumed efficiently less heavy punishment be involved. Discipline/method up to Her but i would suggest that the time has come to be a fully functioning toilet.

The above assumes the slave would be serving here, at its house, or some other location where the bench and box can be used. i'm not fully sure yet about how to handle long term service somewhere where the box was not in use. i have heard of toilet slaves being locked in a bathroom or closet while their Mistresse was away and were to remain "available" upon Her return. However, it does not allow for bondage and full objectification as the slave's Owner would need to speak and instruct them when She needs to go to the bathroom. i suppose it depends upon how She wants to own and use Her toilet slave. However, if the slave were to be living off of only Her wastes, i would suggest a ball gag so that it could not be tempted to "steal" some water or people food. If in a location that the bondage box was not able to be used, i'm still sure that enough bondage could be enforced to maintain the slave's disipline though... hand cuff to foot cuff for example. Again, a diaper or waste bag would most likely be needed.

No matter what She decides, i am thrilled that Maitresse is considering turning me in to even more of a toilet. my own selfish wishes have been to become more and more of just a toilet to Her... a living breathing part of the structure of the house. i worship my dear Maitresse and want to become the exact toilet slave She desires... whatever that may be. Her body gives the slave its true nourishment. i shall be interested in Her thoughts on this post. i sincerely hope to give Her the types of services and sessions that makes Her happy and fulfills Her desires and even fantasies. Maitresse Kristian is already the ultimate Goddess.... i hope to give Her the best toilet and Her deepest experience in owning a toilet slave for Her use and enjoyment.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Additional Thoughts - Last Service

The more i reflect upon O/our last session, the more the experience comes alive in my head. Although no brown was involved, only golden, the session took me to a place i had longed to go for so long. i had no sense of time... no sense of if i had been there for an hour or six. Very little light filtered in and with the bedroom door shut, no sound filtered in to the toilet slave room. Literally all i could do was await my Goddess to decide She needed to use Her slave. i began to slip in to the place i have sought... the objectification i have been hoping for.. the depth of slavery. However, i can only imagine what it is like for toilet slaves in such a position for extended period. What would it be like with no acknowledgement what so ever? Maitresse only using Her slave and using Her slave exactly as She wants.. no "holding back". What would i feel if i knew in advance that She may leave and return, leave and return going about Her life. Very literally only seeing Her Divine self when She needed to go to the bathroom. Neither spoken to nor regarding as existing... just a thing? Would Maitresse be able to slip in to such a role?? To very much regard the slave as a thing She owns? She is such a wonderful Maitresse, i do wonder. i also believe that the sheet hiding the slave's body helped with the scene. i can't help but think that it helps to enhance the session for Maitresse... that it helps Her to regard the toilet as a thing and not a person as She is not looking at a person's body. i have wondered a great deal what Maitresse thought of the session and the direction of future services to Her. More than anything else though i wonder about living off of Her wastes for a while... of taking my toilet service to Her to a level few aspire and fewer achieve. i wonder if She wants such a slave... to what edge She is interested in. Hopefully time will reveal Her thoughts, desires, and even fantasies. i have said several times that a slave exists to enhance its Owners being and i sincerely hope to become the exact type of toilet slave She desires. i have dreams and aspirations, sure, but i want to make sure that more than anything i fulfill Hers... that i am able to be the toilet slave (both in depth and proficiency) that She considers ideal.

Maitresse, You are truly a unique Goddess and i am so very blessed to know and serve You. i have been such a lucky slave to have been blessed with knowing and serving You. You are truly one in a million dear Maitresse. If W/we parted ways tomorrow i have been more fortunate than most for having known You. i do, of course, hope to continue my devoted service to my Divine One... thank You for blessing my life thus far. Thank You as well for the wonderful background picture You provided the slave. i think it is a wonderful picture.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Pics of the Revised Set-Up

i thought i'd upload some pics of the new "set-up". The sheet/curtain is strung in such a way that it meets the back of the toilet box thus rendering the slave as "not there" except for its face in the toilet "bowl". i think this helps to allow Maitresse to further forget about Her slave and simply own a toilet.





November Service & New Set-Up

It has been a good while since my last update partly due to computer issues and partly due to an intensive travel schedule. However, in November i was completely blessed to have served Maitresse Kristian two different times. The first time was very disappointing as, of not great surprise, my performance was not very good. i had been out of practice given the time since my last service and i was a very poor toilet. However, the second time, though only golden was required, i believe i was a much more functional toilet. Should i have the honor of serving Her again in December i believe i will be a fully functioning toilet again. In fact, my request to Goddess was to use me a naturally as possible the next time as i think i'm ready. my humble opinion is that She should simply sit and do Her "business" the next time without a single care for me. If i screw up, there should most likely be pain involved for the slave.

i made a significant adjustment to the toilet box system this time. Rather than have it in a bathroom, i cleared a closet and put it in a walk-in closet. The door won't close as i need a few more inches but the door to the bedroom is at least able to be closed. As another modification for the second visit i played with a sheet to block off the view of my body, strung between the closet shelves. With the sheet, the only thing Maitresse would see is my face. With the bedroom door shut, most all sound was blocked out. Especially during my second service, i was taken closer to the place i so long to find... to become nothing but Her toilet. There was no real sense of time with what little light filtered in. i didn't really know if it had been minutes or hours since She last peed. There was no "mental stimulation" from external stimuli though i did strain to hear something.. anything... without much luck. It seemed that Maitresse had been able to indeed forget about me and was going about whatever She was doing. It was wonderful. i was closer to becoming what i truly long for than ever before.

i have written extensively of my longing for very long service to Maitresse. Of being Her toilet and nothing else to Her but just that for days, weeks, months, years without any form of sexual release... just Her body's wastes and the wastes of those She so chooses to allow to use me. If Maitresse ever moved back up this way, i could see the closet toilet box as my new "home" much of the time... or if i were able to move down there. my dream is to be as much of a lifestyle toilet to Maitresse Kristian as She desires. If She were to build me permanent in to Her home i think i would jump at the chance. There are a few more minor things i need to fix, such as perhaps a wider air mattress, but i think i am close to being able to be Her toilet for a very long period/session. i hope it is time to serve Her in the manor She deserves and, i think, desires. i hope i am very close to being able to become nothing but an object to Her once the cuffs are on. i hope i am close to becoming Her perfect toilet... something She uses and owns without any care or concern.... the deepest of objectification slavery as a piece of furniture. W/we discussed briefly "lifestyle" toilet slavery though i have not heard back what this term would actually mean to the Devine One. i'll be interested to hear if She is looking at another session in December.

i dream of my next service, Maitresse Kristian. Thank You so very much for November!!