Thursday, March 25, 2010

Just Thoughts

Maitresse never ceases to amaze this slave! She is full of wonderful and intriguing surprises. i was lucky enough for Maitresse to allow me a bit of a glimpse in to Her world the other day. i cannot believe how strong, determined, and intelligent She truly is! i already knew each of these adjectives about Her but this rare look in to Her day to day life... Her trials, tribulations, and challenges... further cemented how utterly impressed with Goddess i truly am. Words cannot describe the joy i felt as She confided in Her slave! She is the epitome of strength and determination and i worship Her as such.

i continue to watch the job boards and something will give, i'm sure, soon! i continue to think of Maitresse and ownership and what would truly complete this slave. i have came to a final conclusion. i would, without looking back, give myself to full and complete Ownership to Maitresse. i would give up the right to any unauthorized sexual relief and who/how i am used as a slave! my place as a slave is as a toilet object / property. If Maitresse should ever desire to own this slave as nothing but a long term, frequent use toilet and nothing more, i would be honored. i long to be turned in to Her property and relegated to a piece of property and a functioning waste disposal device for Maitresse for as long as She would desire. i don't have tons of $$$ and i'm not all that good looking.... but i do have utter devotion to Goddess Kristian and know my place as Her object of Divine waste disposal. i long for nothing greater than to be turned by Her in to the strictest, most realistic, toilet slave She desires to Own.

If luck is on my side, i shall find myself in beneath, and in the service of, Supreme Kristian in the coming days/week. i hope and pray that Her plans work out and i am able to again serve Her! Oh, going in to the 10th day of no smoking... not since Monday a week ago at around 2:00!! It has not been easy and the only thing that keeps me "going" is Goddess and my desire to not disapoint Her!

Monday, March 22, 2010

New Story Posted

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Trying to Get Better... Tough Illness

It's been a rough couple weeks. The week before last was up in the Great Lakes again & starting to feel a "bug" coming on. By the time i got home, was pretty rough and finally went to the Dr on Monday. Turns out, been dealing with pneumonia... again. Had it about 2 years ago. After $$$ for Rx's, feeling much better. However, still have no wind or stamina and that is disappointing. Tried to work on the updated slave bed a little this weekend but just don't have the wind to do much of anything right now. i had so hoped to have it ready for the next service to Maitresse. i hope i am not too much of a disappointment to Her. i NEVER want to displease my Supreme Goddess... rather, exceeding Her expectations is always my goal. She is so very much to this slave... She makes this slave complete. Pleasing Her is my deepest pleasure. i hope i have not failed my Goddess too badly.

On a positive note, i have not been smoking. my post back at the beginning of the month i had tried but didn't make it but a couple days. Since i got sick, i have had much better luck. i want to do this for Her. Sure, getting off of the stupid things would be good for me but i know Maitresse hates smoke. i have never done it around Her. She has offered breaks where i would go in to my garage during a long session. However, i always felt so, well, small, when She did. Not because of anything She said or did but because i felt is somehow took away from the session for Her. She has not asked me to stop, at least as of yet. i feel that it would be a much greater gift to my beloved and divine Owner if i would offer this gift to Her without Her asking. As i mentioned, pleasing Her is always my #1 goal. In all honesty, i'm using a stop smoking aid but the idea is to use these to break the habit and then get off of them. So far, so good. No cigarettes since Monday... today will be 1 week. After that, as i wrote below, loose some weight. i don't think that both together is an attainable goal but one then the other should work.

Being Maitresse's toilet and being the best at it is my goal, need, and longing. i should hope for the day for long term Ownership. i should hope for the day i am used often and long and relegated to being an object, cuckhold, and anything else She desires. If i could, She would own me completely and totally and my life placed in Her hands (and contract). i continue to seek employment closer to Her though it has not gone well. i am, if nothing else though, persistent. It will happen. There are so many hobbies in life i enjoy... fishing, working outside, etc... but what i am and long to be someday if it ever works out is a toilet object owned by the ultimate Goddess & Owner... Maitresse Kristian.

Maitresse, i have not heard but i sincerely hope things are going ok (better). Please, if You should need anything, even just to talk, i am always available to You. You and Your happiness mean everything to me. If i can help with anything, just let me know!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Here if You need me

Maitresse, You have been in my thoughts and meditations! Please let me know if there is anything i can do for You; even if it is only an "ear" to sound off on. i am Your slave, yes... but i am a slave that worships and adores You more than You know. Any time You may need an ear to rant against or a shoulder i am there for You my beloved Goddess. You are my Goddess, my Mistress, my Owner, but most of all, my blessing. i may be a ways from You but please call anytime day or nite should You need. i guess all i am saying is that i'm here if You should need!!! i'm always here for You. Please know that You have been on my mind constantly and in my best wishes and meditations since Your note.



You, Supreme Maitresse, have read these words before (the other day) but i thought i would/should include on the blog my thoughts...

my life was truly blessed the day i met You. You are so special and interwoven in to my slave being... truly a Goddess & Mistress of Divine proportions. i honestly see me (if You would ever desire & i finally am able to move closer) giving myself to You as a deeply & strictly Owned slave. Maitresse Kristian, i could foresee myself, for You at least, giving up any and all controls of sexual pleasure to You, collared, registered, and maybe even tattooed with Your slave number. As much of an honor as it is to worship Your feet, etc, being Your toilet slave has been the greatest experience of my life... being Your long term "toilet property" would be the ultimate dream though most likely unattainable. i can think of no greater Goddess to serve in such a capacity as You. You are THE Special One, the ultimate Mistress/Goddess and i cannot believe or understand how i was considered as remotely worthy to serve You in the manor You have allowed!!! i can truly say, from the depths of my slave soul, that being Your toilet slave is more important to me than sex, comfort, or pleasure. You have no idea how deeply You have gained possession over me and my thoughts, dear Goddess. You are such a complex and wonderful combination... kind, thoughtful, dominate, supreme, harsh when necessary... a complete package who deserves the worship and adoration of those She allows in to Her world. i thank You with every ounce of my being for allowing me in to Your world!!! Who know, perhaps someday i may find myself in deeper Ownership and more dedicated service to You, Owned as a toilet object/property; perhaps not. No matter; every second i have been, and continue to be, allowed in Your world is an honor & privilege beyond words. However, as i move further along this journey, i find that my desire for total Ownership by You, especially the prospect of being a total and complete toilet slave property to You, dominates my thoughts, goals, and dreams.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Smoking, Weight, and Devotion to Maitresse

Quitting smoking sucks! i am trying to quit but am having only so so luck. i will do it though, because it's for Maitresse Kristian! She did not ask the slave to stop, but i have decided to do it for Her never the less. As a toilet, lung power is important. i need to expand my lung power to better serve my Supreme Goddess and the best way to do this is my getting off my biggest vice. i have never liked drugs. Sure, i tried a little weed when i was much younger but it wasn't my thing. Shoot, i even have trouble taking prescriptions. Muscle relaxers, pain killers, and even strong decongestants "screw" with me badly. i never ended up finishing them when prescribed for injuries or sickness by my Doctor. i'd end up flushing down the toilet (the conventional toilet) once i got well enough to withstand it. Thus, drugs have never held any interest for me at all. i don't understand the attraction to them. Alcohol has never been a problem either. i can drink a beer or a nice glass of wine and not think about it again for weeks or months. Smoking, on the other hand, is my Achilles Heel. i wished i never saw the first one! Or i wish someone would have made me eat the first one i ever saw. my goal is to be as good of a slave as possible and an outstanding toilet for Mistress. She truly is one of a kind and my devotion to Her immense. As such, i need to get off of the good for nothing things. i will become a much more proficient toilet i'm sure.

Next item on the agenda (after smoking) is to loose a bit of weight. i've always been a big guy. Heck, my shoulders got "stuck" while i was being born. But i am way to heavy now. Between the 2 things my abilities to serve as Maitresse Kristian's full toilet will surly increase. She is my motivation and She is my inspiration. She is everything i could ever hope to achieve and serving as Her fully functioning toilet my number one priority.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

February Blessing

Luck upon all luck.. this humble slave received a great honor in seeing the Goddess Maitresse Kristian last week! Words cannot describe how thrilled i was to again see my beloved Owner. Her Goddess body offered the slave its true nourishment. However, the slave was very disappointed in the toilet bench's workings. The good news is that i have begun working on a new design. i think this third and final design will work very well and i sincerely hope it does. i never want to disappoint my Owner and She wants a longer term use slave bed. And more than anything, i want to be Her long term toilet. W/we looked in to using nose plugs to guarantee consumption though the first attempt was not extremely effective. i continue to believe that this is a good idea and hope to investigate it further. While laying bound to my bench i had several thoughts and they have dominated my thoughts ever since.

i have written about my considerations and thoughts regarding long term slavery, toilet service, chastity, and deeper Ownership. i am looking for employment closer to Maitresse Kristian so as to be able to serve Her more often and better. i've sent 3 resumes out with no response thus far. Of course, it is a tough economy but i have hope that i will locate employment that will put me much closer to Her.

If Maitresse Kristian would ever consider such an option, and if i can get closer to Her to make it feasible, i would offer Maitresse Kristian the slave. i have came to the ultimate conclusion that i am a slave... that i am a toilet. It would be the ultimate completion of this slave to be owned 24/7 by Her. To be, very much, Her property. A toilet that is used, kept, and thought little of during service. Perhaps for a day, perhaps for days. Perhaps my "home" would be a cage while in Her presence and not in service, perhaps not. Never the less, a truly "owned" slave. i would ask for very few limits... shared with Her other slaves to provide them pleasure if She so desired, punished (more about pain below) as She desires, and all authorizations for sexual release vested with Her. i would give any opportunity and authorization of slave pleasure to Her. i'm very sure i would become desperate for release but only She would have the power to allow it. Perhaps the slave would learn the ultimate truth that a toilets only real pleasure comes from serving its Mistress with the utmost perfection. i can say, with some hesitation but great conviction, my deepest desire, my most true longing, would be to be fully owned by Goddess. The reality would probably hit home hard but i would never the less want a contract that would guarantee compliance... to be molded and formed in to a perfect slave.

Maitresse has never applied any real physical pain to Her slave. i cannot help but wonder why? It's not that i'm a pain slut or anything like that... just curious. i feel that perhaps it would assist in the reinforcement of what the slave is. i would accept any punishment She would so choose as best i could. The idea scares the slave but could at the same time be highly effective.

Thank You again Goddess for Your visit to the slave. Thank You with all my being for gracing me with Your divine presence. You have become such an important part of the slave's life! i hope to serve You more often very soon!!