It's amazing really, how much i have come to miss being a toilet slave. It has been over 2 months since my last use and i have come to long to be bound, objectified, and used. i especially miss Maitresse's use. i truly in my heart of hearts love to serve Her. She is my ultimate Goddess and i miss being under Her so. i suppose, as much as i miss being a toilet, i could visit a Pro Domme... O/out contract was not mutually exclusive. The reality is, however, that i want to serve no other Goddess than Maitresse with the exception of those She would ever designate, as this would still be serving Her. i have served no other Goddess since the signing of the contract. Maitresse is my Goddess, my Mistress, and my slave Owner as long as She keeps me. The trouble is, i wonder if She still plans to keep me. W/we texted a few times but it has been a long time since i have received an email, etc from Her. Only short texts that "things are fine", etc. Words cannot describe how empty i feel without having been under my Goddess. i have an utter devotion to Her. There is greater one on this earth than Goddess Kristian.
i think all the time about the "hotel idea" i have written about. More than at my home, i feel like She could truly turn me in to what i am in such a place... an absolute, total object to consume what She gives. i love the idea of Her being able to come and go and enjoy Herself and only view me as Her bathroom. If She would so like, even for a few days... i would get nothing but Her wastes. i often fantasize of being Her toilet forever. This is not realistic but being Her toilet for a few days... what an honor for this slave and hopefully what a sense of power for Maitresse!! Having someone / something locked away whose only purpose to You would be to take care of waste disposals would have to be very empowering to a Domme, i would imagine. No sexual gratification, no self release, and no release from service until the time was complete... only a thing to flush golden, brown, nose, and other wastes. It would be a dream come true !!
i just hope that Maitresse still has a use for me. Having gone 2 months without being of service to Her i am very concerned! Scared actually... that She is loosing interest in Her slave.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Hopes & Thoughts
It's amazing how much a slave can come to miss its Owner. Words cannot describe the "emptiness" i have felt in not serving Maitresse during my absence of use. i miss speaking with Her, catching up on what has been happening in Her life, and in general how Her world has been going. i miss greatly the contact with Her; just knowing that i am still allowed in Her presence. However, i also truly miss Her objectification of me and being made to feel as a functioning toilet for Her use!!! It's amazing, actually, how i come to long and yearn for Her use as time goes by between services. i become consumed with the thoughts and desires, in fact needs, to become Her vessel to dispose of Her most Supreme Goddess essences all the while regarded as a piece of furniture She owns.
Lately, the idea of being Her slave locked in a hotel and used as She needs is all-consuming (pardon the pun). Goddess Kristian seems to truly enjoy "object slavery" and i can envision such a session as turning Her devoted slave in to nothing more to Her during the session than a toilet She comes to use with little regard. i sincerely hope for harsh and demanding use... no room for failure and no sympathy for what must be disposed of. i can think of no greater honor than to be kept away in such service for a day or two and consuming nothing but the waste products my Goddess Maitresse Kristian deposits. i want Her to own me as Her toilet; fully, completely, and totally for however long She would choose to keep me. i truly desire to serve Her in such a way that She does not worry about my consumption... it would be "guaranteed". This has been somewhat resolved through my purchase of a funnel gag. It will serve very well for Her golden though a slight modification is required. The straps are to short to buckle around my head but that is easily fixed. Total guarantees of full brown disposal are a little more difficult. i am considering a large diameter o-ring gag. This should ensure that She can use Her toilet with no worries. i want, more than anything, for Maitresse to be able to use Her toilet without regard or compassion... to be used in as "natural" fashion as She possibly can.
i don't know if this post has adequately conveyed the depth of this slave's desire to be objectified as a toilet to Maitresse Kristian. i suppose all i actually need to say is that i hope i have come up with some new options for Her to turn this slave in to as much of a toilet, and thus as much of an "object", as She would desire.
i hope that the Royal Maitresse Kristian blesses Her devoted slave with a response, and call to service, soon. i cannot describe how i yearn to take my rightful place, quite literally, under Her.
Lately, the idea of being Her slave locked in a hotel and used as She needs is all-consuming (pardon the pun). Goddess Kristian seems to truly enjoy "object slavery" and i can envision such a session as turning Her devoted slave in to nothing more to Her during the session than a toilet She comes to use with little regard. i sincerely hope for harsh and demanding use... no room for failure and no sympathy for what must be disposed of. i can think of no greater honor than to be kept away in such service for a day or two and consuming nothing but the waste products my Goddess Maitresse Kristian deposits. i want Her to own me as Her toilet; fully, completely, and totally for however long She would choose to keep me. i truly desire to serve Her in such a way that She does not worry about my consumption... it would be "guaranteed". This has been somewhat resolved through my purchase of a funnel gag. It will serve very well for Her golden though a slight modification is required. The straps are to short to buckle around my head but that is easily fixed. Total guarantees of full brown disposal are a little more difficult. i am considering a large diameter o-ring gag. This should ensure that She can use Her toilet with no worries. i want, more than anything, for Maitresse to be able to use Her toilet without regard or compassion... to be used in as "natural" fashion as She possibly can.
i don't know if this post has adequately conveyed the depth of this slave's desire to be objectified as a toilet to Maitresse Kristian. i suppose all i actually need to say is that i hope i have come up with some new options for Her to turn this slave in to as much of a toilet, and thus as much of an "object", as She would desire.
i hope that the Royal Maitresse Kristian blesses Her devoted slave with a response, and call to service, soon. i cannot describe how i yearn to take my rightful place, quite literally, under Her.
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