It seems that i always here.... "someday this or someday that".... most of us do it. The other night i was reflecting on a few "somedays" from the vanilla world and the "somedays" of a toilet slave.........
World: Someday, I'm going to own a huge house with a wonderful view of the mountains/ocean/etc.
toilet: Someday, the only room i'll see again is my toilet room and perhaps my closet with my cage during times released from service.
World: Someday, I'll have a huge lot with many acres to roam.
toilet: Someday, i'll know only bondage to my toilet bench and my cage and perhaps a piece of exercise equipment to keep the slave healthy.
World: Someday, I will eat only at the 5 star restaurants, drink high quality wine... the best of the best.
toilet: Someday, i shall eat and drink of the highest quality as a permanent disposal toilet prepared and delivered by the Divine One's body and by those She so chooses to allow to use Her toilet. Small meals of bland foods such as beans, rice, and greens (with no dressings of course) as a supplement to keep the slave healthy and functional but disposing of Her wastes regularly.
World: Someday, I will have unbelievably great sex every day.
toilet: Someday, Maitresse may never allow me to have another orgasm again. She may have me service and pleasure Her male and Female friends, Domme's and slaves but any pleasure of my own may be denied at Her discretion alone.
World: Someday I will be respected and admired by many.
toilet: Someday, i will become nothing but a piece of furniture that serves a purpose... an afterthought.... very much something She owns that is used for its function.
toilet: Someday, i'll be owned, used, thought of, and regarded as a toilet... not even a toilet slave but a toilet in Her home to be available and used as required..... (i hope) :)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i'm very surprised, especially in the BDSM community but even in the vanilla world, that more Women do not find joy, power, and pleasure in using a toilet slave. What sense of power and ownership of another must she feel? The level of devotion of a slave to long and desire to serve its Goddess as a disposal mechanism would, i think, give Her such a feeling of supremacy and power unlike most all others. i am always surprised at how few Domme's, Mistresses, or Goddesses in general do not demand such servitude.
i'm also surprised, though also glad, that so few slaves, subs, and men in general are unwilling to serve in such a manor. If one professes to "worship Her" what could express that worship to a maximum level than becoming Her toilet slave. Eating and drinking from within Her... a meal and its wine more truly prepared by Her than any table meal could ever be, is truly an honor. A meal prepared not by mere hands but by Her body itself... allowed to take a part of Her that was prepared from deep within Goddess's own body to become part of the slaves... more of a privilege than most have the capacity to comprehend.
i am blessed...... truly and utterly blessed... to just know Maitresse and infinitely more so to serve Her through toilet servitude. i long each day to again be under Her, beneath Her, serve Her. Thank You dear Goddess for being allowed in to a part of Your world... i count the seconds until i am again bound in servitude to You.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Feb Post
It's amazing how much and how often i think of Maitresse. Often they are of just Her... what is She doing, is She having a good day, etc. However, i also think (and dream) a great deal of servitude. Does She have a proper toilet at Her "disposal" today, does She think of me and if so, what does She think of me. These are the types of questions. i also, of course, think of the act(s) themselves... of being fed and hydrated by my Supreme Goddess. However, i often ponder why i am so drawn to Her and why she keeps me "around" as a slave. The answer is, i think, we are very alike though in opposite directions (Domme & slave). For me, it's much deeper than receiving the actual "act". That is highly important... taking Her wastes and using them to nourish my own slave body. Being used to dispose of Her royal waste the pinochle of a toilet's existence and function... a toilet such as i. Maitresse as well enjoys the act of using another for such an intimate and submissive function. Much has been written on this topic and i won't take up more of the reader's time with this though (at least for now).
The real topic of this blog is the other aspects of my slavery and why i think Maitresse and i are so compatible. First, please allow me to say that it appears a dream may in fact come true. i may end up being a toilet to Maitresse for several days!!! Maitresse seems to be really in to this idea and that pleases me greatly (as i want to please Her greatly). Bound, locked, ignored, and forgotten are a huge part of the my slave desires, longing, and in fact being. More importantly, Maitresse greatly enjoys this aspect as well. She is a kind Goddess and worries of Her slave's well-being. Sometimes to the point of sacrificing Her enjoyment of the session, i believe. It is my hope that She can cease viewing Her slave as a human and more of a thing as soon as it enters service. i try hard to reach that point myself... not being an i, me, etc but an "it". i love the thought of Goddess not even thinking of me while in service and definitely not caring of my plight during a use. i feel that the blocking off of the slave's body during a session has added more to this aspect and kept away from the rest of the house even more so... no visual or audio stimulation... simply locked away to be of use when needed. i believe that Maitresse enjoys this part as well... very much so in fact. i hope that She becomes comfortable enough to leave me when She wants and without my even knowing. i love the thoughts of Her being "out and about", doing Her thing and smiling at the fact that a toilet is locked away at home. While such sessions carry some risk, i freely and without hesitation submit to those risks. i love the fact that Maitresse would have such power over another... to completely relegate them to an "it"... to a thing locked away. i believe this to be one of the most sincere, deepest forms of slavery. i believe Maitresse finds the thought to be highly pleasurable. i do hope She can "let Herself go" in a long session and enter that state of mind that She truly owns a "thing". i want Her to experience the high of owning another in such a deep manor... to control them in such a deep manor that they are a part of Her home... not a human... their very nourishment provided by Her and Her bodies wastes no longer needed. i believe that Maitresse continues to use this unworthy slave for just such a desire. my humble opinion being that W/we both seek the same thing... to explore and achieve the deepest level and ownership possible. i wonder, dream, and worry of being presented with the option to being a full-time toilet (or part-time "full-time") to Her. i know i would jump at the chance but would i regret it. Probably not :) i hope She will continue this journey of discovery and i hope to be allowed to come along as the "lab rat".
i hope You have a most wonderful Valentine's Day, dear Goddess
The real topic of this blog is the other aspects of my slavery and why i think Maitresse and i are so compatible. First, please allow me to say that it appears a dream may in fact come true. i may end up being a toilet to Maitresse for several days!!! Maitresse seems to be really in to this idea and that pleases me greatly (as i want to please Her greatly). Bound, locked, ignored, and forgotten are a huge part of the my slave desires, longing, and in fact being. More importantly, Maitresse greatly enjoys this aspect as well. She is a kind Goddess and worries of Her slave's well-being. Sometimes to the point of sacrificing Her enjoyment of the session, i believe. It is my hope that She can cease viewing Her slave as a human and more of a thing as soon as it enters service. i try hard to reach that point myself... not being an i, me, etc but an "it". i love the thought of Goddess not even thinking of me while in service and definitely not caring of my plight during a use. i feel that the blocking off of the slave's body during a session has added more to this aspect and kept away from the rest of the house even more so... no visual or audio stimulation... simply locked away to be of use when needed. i believe that Maitresse enjoys this part as well... very much so in fact. i hope that She becomes comfortable enough to leave me when She wants and without my even knowing. i love the thoughts of Her being "out and about", doing Her thing and smiling at the fact that a toilet is locked away at home. While such sessions carry some risk, i freely and without hesitation submit to those risks. i love the fact that Maitresse would have such power over another... to completely relegate them to an "it"... to a thing locked away. i believe this to be one of the most sincere, deepest forms of slavery. i believe Maitresse finds the thought to be highly pleasurable. i do hope She can "let Herself go" in a long session and enter that state of mind that She truly owns a "thing". i want Her to experience the high of owning another in such a deep manor... to control them in such a deep manor that they are a part of Her home... not a human... their very nourishment provided by Her and Her bodies wastes no longer needed. i believe that Maitresse continues to use this unworthy slave for just such a desire. my humble opinion being that W/we both seek the same thing... to explore and achieve the deepest level and ownership possible. i wonder, dream, and worry of being presented with the option to being a full-time toilet (or part-time "full-time") to Her. i know i would jump at the chance but would i regret it. Probably not :) i hope She will continue this journey of discovery and i hope to be allowed to come along as the "lab rat".
i hope You have a most wonderful Valentine's Day, dear Goddess
Monday, January 3, 2011
First Service of the New Year
Today i was blessed with a session with my Beloved One. It was, of course, very wonderful to see Her although only for a short while. Mistress also made it absolutely clear that a failure to consume and consume as naturally as possible would be supremely disappointing to Her. Honestly, i did not want to know exactly what that meant. i was scared that it could mean banishment from serving Her which would be a horrible fate!!!
It was only for a few hours i would would be serving but i must say, this session was wonderful !! It is becoming more and more of an undertaking to get everything set up but once done, i truly do begin to feel as if i am a toilet slave that is forgotten within the house until needed. i think the sheet/curtain that separates the slave's body from the toilet box works nicely to further objectify the toilet. i also made a few adjustments with towels to support my shoulders and elevate the head a little more. These adjustments really seemed to make a difference. i was more comfortable than ever before. As a recap, Mistress stayed a few hours and "watered" Her toilet two times (one was very full indeed as She had been holding it for a good while). i had no issues with the golden wine at all. In fact, Maitresse could have actually urinated faster than She did. Mistress was, i'm sure, looking after Her toilet and wanted to make sure it did not become choked. Given that speech was forbidden, i did not mention to Her that She could have went faster if She desired and very soon i was again left to my thoughts. i was also blessed with a feeding from Mistress. i believe i did much better. She wanted to go as "naturally" as possible and i took 3 feeding "spurts". i did gag some but there was no way in this world i was going to use my safe word. i was determined that "come hell or high water" i would take all She gave. However, very abruptly, She got up and went to the bathroom to finish. This action scared me to DEATH. i lay there wondering if i had gagged to much and She felt i was not up to the task... was Mistress completely pissed at Her slave and done with it?? There were a hundred thoughts racing through my head each faster than the other. All i could do was lay in my toilet and wonder what was happening. i honestly felt that "it was over".... i would no longer be a toilet to Mistress. Truth be told, i was starting to become emotional in that i was bound and could not find out what was happening. Shortly after Goddess returned and said i was being released. i asked for permission to speak and asked if i had upset Her. Mistress believed that the volume, given that it was very loose and somewhat watery, would have been to difficult to control and not overfill my toilet opening and thus make a mess. She has said that i did not upset Her (i asked several times trying to make sure given my over-riding fear of disapointing Her).
In terms of consumption and ability, i honestly feel that this session was probably my best ever. i am still not 100% convinced i have not disappointed my Supreme Goddess though. Up until the point i thought i may have failed it was the best session every. More than ever before... given the sensory deprivation of not hearing anything but the heater working, very little light to judge time, additional bondage of my legs, and total indifference by Mistress during initial golden and even the brown until She got up... i felt i was truly a toilet. i knew beforehand that i would only be in service for a couple hours but i honestly had no idea how long it had been. It exceptianally hard to judge time with the set up currently in use (which is part of the point). To me, the sensory deprivation is a large part of the experience. i began to slip in to the wondering of what it would be like to be in such a position for extended use. While difficult and boring, i was left longing more than ever to be a toilet slave. i had not provided myself a "self release" for several days and i was more excited after the session than i had been in a long time (although i have not reased as of this writing to maintain my thoughts). The chastity device during the session did a good job as i tried to become very aroused several times and felt its "bite". i am still concerned that i failed Mistress again. i wanted Her to be able to use me with little to no regard. However, She still felt She had to get up and use the commode. i hope She is truly not upset or otherwise disappointed with me. Although She says its fine, i'm so concerned with not disappointing Her ever again that it does cast a cloud over the service. i hope and pray She is indeed good with Her toilet's performance !!!! i think that based upon this session that i am becoming a proficient toilet.... i have a little ways to go to get "over the top of the hump" but i can foresee my final proficiency at any time.
i thank my dear Goddess for Her time and for Her use. i find meaning and purpose in my servitude to Her and long for greater depths of use. i had thought of examining the texture of my feeding in this blog as it was somewhat different than before, but i feel that such thoughts should not examined here. Maitresse, if i am in fact a disappointment to You i truly and deeply apologize. i hope You have not given up on Your toilet slave. My ultimate goal, as W/we have discussed, is to be the best toilet slave You have ever owned. i believe i am coming closer to that goal with each service. Thank You again Goddess. Receiving Your wastes from Your most divine body is a wonderful and prized way to begin the new year !!!!!!!!! You are most adored, admired, respected, and worshiped !!!!!!!!!!!!
It was only for a few hours i would would be serving but i must say, this session was wonderful !! It is becoming more and more of an undertaking to get everything set up but once done, i truly do begin to feel as if i am a toilet slave that is forgotten within the house until needed. i think the sheet/curtain that separates the slave's body from the toilet box works nicely to further objectify the toilet. i also made a few adjustments with towels to support my shoulders and elevate the head a little more. These adjustments really seemed to make a difference. i was more comfortable than ever before. As a recap, Mistress stayed a few hours and "watered" Her toilet two times (one was very full indeed as She had been holding it for a good while). i had no issues with the golden wine at all. In fact, Maitresse could have actually urinated faster than She did. Mistress was, i'm sure, looking after Her toilet and wanted to make sure it did not become choked. Given that speech was forbidden, i did not mention to Her that She could have went faster if She desired and very soon i was again left to my thoughts. i was also blessed with a feeding from Mistress. i believe i did much better. She wanted to go as "naturally" as possible and i took 3 feeding "spurts". i did gag some but there was no way in this world i was going to use my safe word. i was determined that "come hell or high water" i would take all She gave. However, very abruptly, She got up and went to the bathroom to finish. This action scared me to DEATH. i lay there wondering if i had gagged to much and She felt i was not up to the task... was Mistress completely pissed at Her slave and done with it?? There were a hundred thoughts racing through my head each faster than the other. All i could do was lay in my toilet and wonder what was happening. i honestly felt that "it was over".... i would no longer be a toilet to Mistress. Truth be told, i was starting to become emotional in that i was bound and could not find out what was happening. Shortly after Goddess returned and said i was being released. i asked for permission to speak and asked if i had upset Her. Mistress believed that the volume, given that it was very loose and somewhat watery, would have been to difficult to control and not overfill my toilet opening and thus make a mess. She has said that i did not upset Her (i asked several times trying to make sure given my over-riding fear of disapointing Her).
In terms of consumption and ability, i honestly feel that this session was probably my best ever. i am still not 100% convinced i have not disappointed my Supreme Goddess though. Up until the point i thought i may have failed it was the best session every. More than ever before... given the sensory deprivation of not hearing anything but the heater working, very little light to judge time, additional bondage of my legs, and total indifference by Mistress during initial golden and even the brown until She got up... i felt i was truly a toilet. i knew beforehand that i would only be in service for a couple hours but i honestly had no idea how long it had been. It exceptianally hard to judge time with the set up currently in use (which is part of the point). To me, the sensory deprivation is a large part of the experience. i began to slip in to the wondering of what it would be like to be in such a position for extended use. While difficult and boring, i was left longing more than ever to be a toilet slave. i had not provided myself a "self release" for several days and i was more excited after the session than i had been in a long time (although i have not reased as of this writing to maintain my thoughts). The chastity device during the session did a good job as i tried to become very aroused several times and felt its "bite". i am still concerned that i failed Mistress again. i wanted Her to be able to use me with little to no regard. However, She still felt She had to get up and use the commode. i hope She is truly not upset or otherwise disappointed with me. Although She says its fine, i'm so concerned with not disappointing Her ever again that it does cast a cloud over the service. i hope and pray She is indeed good with Her toilet's performance !!!! i think that based upon this session that i am becoming a proficient toilet.... i have a little ways to go to get "over the top of the hump" but i can foresee my final proficiency at any time.
i thank my dear Goddess for Her time and for Her use. i find meaning and purpose in my servitude to Her and long for greater depths of use. i had thought of examining the texture of my feeding in this blog as it was somewhat different than before, but i feel that such thoughts should not examined here. Maitresse, if i am in fact a disappointment to You i truly and deeply apologize. i hope You have not given up on Your toilet slave. My ultimate goal, as W/we have discussed, is to be the best toilet slave You have ever owned. i believe i am coming closer to that goal with each service. Thank You again Goddess. Receiving Your wastes from Your most divine body is a wonderful and prized way to begin the new year !!!!!!!!! You are most adored, admired, respected, and worshiped !!!!!!!!!!!!
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