Monday, January 3, 2011

First Service of the New Year

Today i was blessed with a session with my Beloved One. It was, of course, very wonderful to see Her although only for a short while. Mistress also made it absolutely clear that a failure to consume and consume as naturally as possible would be supremely disappointing to Her. Honestly, i did not want to know exactly what that meant. i was scared that it could mean banishment from serving Her which would be a horrible fate!!!

It was only for a few hours i would would be serving but i must say, this session was wonderful !! It is becoming more and more of an undertaking to get everything set up but once done, i truly do begin to feel as if i am a toilet slave that is forgotten within the house until needed. i think the sheet/curtain that separates the slave's body from the toilet box works nicely to further objectify the toilet. i also made a few adjustments with towels to support my shoulders and elevate the head a little more. These adjustments really seemed to make a difference. i was more comfortable than ever before. As a recap, Mistress stayed a few hours and "watered" Her toilet two times (one was very full indeed as She had been holding it for a good while). i had no issues with the golden wine at all. In fact, Maitresse could have actually urinated faster than She did. Mistress was, i'm sure, looking after Her toilet and wanted to make sure it did not become choked. Given that speech was forbidden, i did not mention to Her that She could have went faster if She desired and very soon i was again left to my thoughts. i was also blessed with a feeding from Mistress. i believe i did much better. She wanted to go as "naturally" as possible and i took 3 feeding "spurts". i did gag some but there was no way in this world i was going to use my safe word. i was determined that "come hell or high water" i would take all She gave. However, very abruptly, She got up and went to the bathroom to finish. This action scared me to DEATH. i lay there wondering if i had gagged to much and She felt i was not up to the task... was Mistress completely pissed at Her slave and done with it?? There were a hundred thoughts racing through my head each faster than the other. All i could do was lay in my toilet and wonder what was happening. i honestly felt that "it was over".... i would no longer be a toilet to Mistress. Truth be told, i was starting to become emotional in that i was bound and could not find out what was happening. Shortly after Goddess returned and said i was being released. i asked for permission to speak and asked if i had upset Her. Mistress believed that the volume, given that it was very loose and somewhat watery, would have been to difficult to control and not overfill my toilet opening and thus make a mess. She has said that i did not upset Her (i asked several times trying to make sure given my over-riding fear of disapointing Her).

In terms of consumption and ability, i honestly feel that this session was probably my best ever. i am still not 100% convinced i have not disappointed my Supreme Goddess though. Up until the point i thought i may have failed it was the best session every. More than ever before... given the sensory deprivation of not hearing anything but the heater working, very little light to judge time, additional bondage of my legs, and total indifference by Mistress during initial golden and even the brown until She got up... i felt i was truly a toilet. i knew beforehand that i would only be in service for a couple hours but i honestly had no idea how long it had been. It exceptianally hard to judge time with the set up currently in use (which is part of the point). To me, the sensory deprivation is a large part of the experience. i began to slip in to the wondering of what it would be like to be in such a position for extended use. While difficult and boring, i was left longing more than ever to be a toilet slave. i had not provided myself a "self release" for several days and i was more excited after the session than i had been in a long time (although i have not reased as of this writing to maintain my thoughts). The chastity device during the session did a good job as i tried to become very aroused several times and felt its "bite". i am still concerned that i failed Mistress again. i wanted Her to be able to use me with little to no regard. However, She still felt She had to get up and use the commode. i hope She is truly not upset or otherwise disappointed with me. Although She says its fine, i'm so concerned with not disappointing Her ever again that it does cast a cloud over the service. i hope and pray She is indeed good with Her toilet's performance !!!! i think that based upon this session that i am becoming a proficient toilet.... i have a little ways to go to get "over the top of the hump" but i can foresee my final proficiency at any time.

i thank my dear Goddess for Her time and for Her use. i find meaning and purpose in my servitude to Her and long for greater depths of use. i had thought of examining the texture of my feeding in this blog as it was somewhat different than before, but i feel that such thoughts should not examined here. Maitresse, if i am in fact a disappointment to You i truly and deeply apologize. i hope You have not given up on Your toilet slave. My ultimate goal, as W/we have discussed, is to be the best toilet slave You have ever owned. i believe i am coming closer to that goal with each service. Thank You again Goddess. Receiving Your wastes from Your most divine body is a wonderful and prized way to begin the new year !!!!!!!!! You are most adored, admired, respected, and worshiped !!!!!!!!!!!!