Somedays

It seems that i always here.... "someday this or someday that".... most of us do it. The other night i was reflecting on a few "somedays" from the vanilla world and the "somedays" of a toilet slave.........


World: Someday, I'm going to own a huge house with a wonderful view of the mountains/ocean/etc.

toilet: Someday, the only room i'll see again is my toilet room and perhaps my closet with my cage during times released from service.

World: Someday, I'll have a huge lot with many acres to roam.

toilet: Someday, i'll know only bondage to my toilet bench and my cage and perhaps a piece of exercise equipment to keep the slave healthy.

World: Someday, I will eat only at the 5 star restaurants, drink high quality wine... the best of the best.

toilet: Someday, i shall eat and drink of the highest quality as a permanent disposal toilet prepared and delivered by the Divine One's body and by those She so chooses to allow to use Her toilet. Small meals of bland foods such as beans, rice, and greens (with no dressings of course) as a supplement to keep the slave healthy and functional but disposing of Her wastes regularly.

World: Someday, I will have unbelievably great sex every day.

toilet: Someday, Maitresse may never allow me to have another orgasm again. She may have me service and pleasure Her male and Female friends, Domme's and slaves but any pleasure of my own may be denied at Her discretion alone.

World: Someday I will be respected and admired by many.

toilet: Someday, i will become nothing but a piece of furniture that serves a purpose... an afterthought.... very much something She owns that is used for its function.

toilet: Someday, i'll be owned, used, thought of, and regarded as a toilet... not even a toilet slave but a toilet in Her home to be available and used as required..... (i hope) :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i'm very surprised, especially in the BDSM community but even in the vanilla world, that more Women do not find joy, power, and pleasure in using a toilet slave. What sense of power and ownership of another must she feel? The level of devotion of a slave to long and desire to serve its Goddess as a disposal mechanism would, i think, give Her such a feeling of supremacy and power unlike most all others. i am always surprised at how few Domme's, Mistresses, or Goddesses in general do not demand such servitude.

i'm also surprised, though also glad, that so few slaves, subs, and men in general are unwilling to serve in such a manor. If one professes to "worship Her" what could express that worship to a maximum level than becoming Her toilet slave. Eating and drinking from within Her... a meal and its wine more truly prepared by Her than any table meal could ever be, is truly an honor. A meal prepared not by mere hands but by Her body itself... allowed to take a part of Her that was prepared from deep within Goddess's own body to become part of the slaves... more of a privilege than most have the capacity to comprehend.

i am blessed...... truly and utterly blessed... to just know Maitresse and infinitely more so to serve Her through toilet servitude. i long each day to again be under Her, beneath Her, serve Her. Thank You dear Goddess for being allowed in to a part of Your world... i count the seconds until i am again bound in servitude to You.

Feb Post

It's amazing how much and how often i think of Maitresse. Often they are of just Her... what is She doing, is She having a good day, etc. However, i also think (and dream) a great deal of servitude. Does She have a proper toilet at Her "disposal" today, does She think of me and if so, what does She think of me. These are the types of questions. i also, of course, think of the act(s) themselves... of being fed and hydrated by my Supreme Goddess. However, i often ponder why i am so drawn to Her and why she keeps me "around" as a slave. The answer is, i think, we are very alike though in opposite directions (Domme & slave). For me, it's much deeper than receiving the actual "act". That is highly important... taking Her wastes and using them to nourish my own slave body. Being used to dispose of Her royal waste the pinochle of a toilet's existence and function... a toilet such as i. Maitresse as well enjoys the act of using another for such an intimate and submissive function. Much has been written on this topic and i won't take up more of the reader's time with this though (at least for now).

The real topic of this blog is the other aspects of my slavery and why i think Maitresse and i are so compatible. First, please allow me to say that it appears a dream may in fact come true. i may end up being a toilet to Maitresse for several days!!! Maitresse seems to be really in to this idea and that pleases me greatly (as i want to please Her greatly). Bound, locked, ignored, and forgotten are a huge part of the my slave desires, longing, and in fact being. More importantly, Maitresse greatly enjoys this aspect as well. She is a kind Goddess and worries of Her slave's well-being. Sometimes to the point of sacrificing Her enjoyment of the session, i believe. It is my hope that She can cease viewing Her slave as a human and more of a thing as soon as it enters service. i try hard to reach that point myself... not being an i, me, etc but an "it". i love the thought of Goddess not even thinking of me while in service and definitely not caring of my plight during a use. i feel that the blocking off of the slave's body during a session has added more to this aspect and kept away from the rest of the house even more so... no visual or audio stimulation... simply locked away to be of use when needed. i believe that Maitresse enjoys this part as well... very much so in fact. i hope that She becomes comfortable enough to leave me when She wants and without my even knowing. i love the thoughts of Her being "out and about", doing Her thing and smiling at the fact that a toilet is locked away at home. While such sessions carry some risk, i freely and without hesitation submit to those risks. i love the fact that Maitresse would have such power over another... to completely relegate them to an "it"... to a thing locked away. i believe this to be one of the most sincere, deepest forms of slavery. i believe Maitresse finds the thought to be highly pleasurable. i do hope She can "let Herself go" in a long session and enter that state of mind that She truly owns a "thing". i want Her to experience the high of owning another in such a deep manor... to control them in such a deep manor that they are a part of Her home... not a human... their very nourishment provided by Her and Her bodies wastes no longer needed. i believe that Maitresse continues to use this unworthy slave for just such a desire. my humble opinion being that W/we both seek the same thing... to explore and achieve the deepest level and ownership possible. i wonder, dream, and worry of being presented with the option to being a full-time toilet (or part-time "full-time") to Her. i know i would jump at the chance but would i regret it. Probably not :) i hope She will continue this journey of discovery and i hope to be allowed to come along as the "lab rat".

i hope You have a most wonderful Valentine's Day, dear Goddess

First Service of the New Year

Today i was blessed with a session with my Beloved One. It was, of course, very wonderful to see Her although only for a short while. Mistress also made it absolutely clear that a failure to consume and consume as naturally as possible would be supremely disappointing to Her. Honestly, i did not want to know exactly what that meant. i was scared that it could mean banishment from serving Her which would be a horrible fate!!!

It was only for a few hours i would would be serving but i must say, this session was wonderful !! It is becoming more and more of an undertaking to get everything set up but once done, i truly do begin to feel as if i am a toilet slave that is forgotten within the house until needed. i think the sheet/curtain that separates the slave's body from the toilet box works nicely to further objectify the toilet. i also made a few adjustments with towels to support my shoulders and elevate the head a little more. These adjustments really seemed to make a difference. i was more comfortable than ever before. As a recap, Mistress stayed a few hours and "watered" Her toilet two times (one was very full indeed as She had been holding it for a good while). i had no issues with the golden wine at all. In fact, Maitresse could have actually urinated faster than She did. Mistress was, i'm sure, looking after Her toilet and wanted to make sure it did not become choked. Given that speech was forbidden, i did not mention to Her that She could have went faster if She desired and very soon i was again left to my thoughts. i was also blessed with a feeding from Mistress. i believe i did much better. She wanted to go as "naturally" as possible and i took 3 feeding "spurts". i did gag some but there was no way in this world i was going to use my safe word. i was determined that "come hell or high water" i would take all She gave. However, very abruptly, She got up and went to the bathroom to finish. This action scared me to DEATH. i lay there wondering if i had gagged to much and She felt i was not up to the task... was Mistress completely pissed at Her slave and done with it?? There were a hundred thoughts racing through my head each faster than the other. All i could do was lay in my toilet and wonder what was happening. i honestly felt that "it was over".... i would no longer be a toilet to Mistress. Truth be told, i was starting to become emotional in that i was bound and could not find out what was happening. Shortly after Goddess returned and said i was being released. i asked for permission to speak and asked if i had upset Her. Mistress believed that the volume, given that it was very loose and somewhat watery, would have been to difficult to control and not overfill my toilet opening and thus make a mess. She has said that i did not upset Her (i asked several times trying to make sure given my over-riding fear of disapointing Her).

In terms of consumption and ability, i honestly feel that this session was probably my best ever. i am still not 100% convinced i have not disappointed my Supreme Goddess though. Up until the point i thought i may have failed it was the best session every. More than ever before... given the sensory deprivation of not hearing anything but the heater working, very little light to judge time, additional bondage of my legs, and total indifference by Mistress during initial golden and even the brown until She got up... i felt i was truly a toilet. i knew beforehand that i would only be in service for a couple hours but i honestly had no idea how long it had been. It exceptianally hard to judge time with the set up currently in use (which is part of the point). To me, the sensory deprivation is a large part of the experience. i began to slip in to the wondering of what it would be like to be in such a position for extended use. While difficult and boring, i was left longing more than ever to be a toilet slave. i had not provided myself a "self release" for several days and i was more excited after the session than i had been in a long time (although i have not reased as of this writing to maintain my thoughts). The chastity device during the session did a good job as i tried to become very aroused several times and felt its "bite". i am still concerned that i failed Mistress again. i wanted Her to be able to use me with little to no regard. However, She still felt She had to get up and use the commode. i hope She is truly not upset or otherwise disappointed with me. Although She says its fine, i'm so concerned with not disappointing Her ever again that it does cast a cloud over the service. i hope and pray She is indeed good with Her toilet's performance !!!! i think that based upon this session that i am becoming a proficient toilet.... i have a little ways to go to get "over the top of the hump" but i can foresee my final proficiency at any time.

i thank my dear Goddess for Her time and for Her use. i find meaning and purpose in my servitude to Her and long for greater depths of use. i had thought of examining the texture of my feeding in this blog as it was somewhat different than before, but i feel that such thoughts should not examined here. Maitresse, if i am in fact a disappointment to You i truly and deeply apologize. i hope You have not given up on Your toilet slave. My ultimate goal, as W/we have discussed, is to be the best toilet slave You have ever owned. i believe i am coming closer to that goal with each service. Thank You again Goddess. Receiving Your wastes from Your most divine body is a wonderful and prized way to begin the new year !!!!!!!!! You are most adored, admired, respected, and worshiped !!!!!!!!!!!!

Addressing Maitresse's Concerns

Maitresse, in Her kind nature of being concerned for Her property, has expressed a concern and instructed Her slave to do some on-line research in to the topic. Given that i am bound and in a prone state, She is worried that i may choke if She uses me too quickly/naturally. Her specific statement was that the human body is not designed to consume in a prone position and given my bondage She worries i may become dangerously choked and unable to clear my throat. She wanted me to find a couple of possible solutions to this problem on the net though i have only been able to come up with one. However, given the bench design, i am not concerned at all with becoming dangerously choked, which i will discuss shortly.

i have attempted to find discussions regarding this issue and have not found anything specific to the topic. Most topics center around the how/why a Mistress would want a toilet slave, how long to use a toilet slave without a break ("real" food, water, etc), and other such topics. A couple topics centered around "volume" and the slave being able to keep up. i think that is is more of a problem than actual choking. Large or continuous volumes of solid or liquid waste seem to pose the largest problem but are somewhat overcome with practice. However, toilet slaves are still hindered by the amount of solid material that can be put in the mouth before overflowing. Practice and determination allow it to flush quickly enough to please its Owner/User. i think that this is my largest issue... how to consume quickly enough to keep up. Golden, for me, based upon my last service seems to be largely resolved. Brown gifts, though, may still be somewhat of an issue. Luckily for Maitresse and i both, usually Her gifts do not require much chewing before being flushed. In fact, more often than not, they can be flushed down Her toilet's throat without any actual "processing" by the receptacle. Therefore, actual risk of windpipe blockage is very minimal. More of a risk is aspirating a small amount of material during large volumes but that is a risk all toilet's face. Thus, the largest problem is how to consume the volume given during a natural bowel movement. This, i can only assume from what i've read, is a function of practice and willpower. i have the will but the willpower has been somewhat missing for a while. However, i firmly believe that this situation has been resolved.

i can only assume that Maitresse wants to continue to have a bound toilet. She seems to really like the idea and the possibilities it presents by using a toilet box. One possible alternative is to slant the entire bench to allow for a better "flow" from mouth to stomach. This is not all that practical though as the slave would slide down the bench. Perhaps a slight modification can be made in the future to slightly angle the bench but i really don't know how well that would work. A better option i feel is to more elevate the head and neck. i have a pillow inside the box but i think i should go out and look for an extra firm one. This would, i feel, elevate the head a slight bit more and allow for a better angle for material to go down.

It is a comfort that Maitresse takes such concern in Her slave. Both She and i desire for me to be nothing but an object and for Her to not need to be concerned with Her slave... and simply use it. i honestly feel that given the design of the box itself there is extremely little risk in my becoming choked to the extent of being dangerous. i may make a mess, but life and health should not be a factor. In my design, my head is not restrained. It can turn as far as a head can in any regular bed. Therefore, should i actually get choked i can turn my head to my side and nature will take care of the issue through coughing, etc. Also, should the unthinkable happen, the box can be flipped over quickly and the entire bench (with me still on it) could be overturned as the bench itself is not super stable. With the help of another, flipping the bench over would not be all that difficult. After much thought and consideration, in order to maintain the realism of what Maitresse and i are trying so hard to accomplish, elevating the head a touch more seems to be the most viable solution. Other than that, the slave would not be bound at all which takes away from the experience of being a toilet.

In my most humble opinion, i believe that Maitresse should feel completely at ease in viewing Her toilet as just that.. something She uses. She should not be concerned for my safety as i think overall its the best possible design and one that i found online to be the best if a slave is to be bound. The only words She may need to speak to Her toilet are "golden" or "brown" as this helps the slave position its head where it should be to perform its duties. i wouldn't mind my head being a bit more restrained as this gives the feeling of even less control over the situation but i left it "loose" to allow for a possible emergency. Especially with the head rest modification, i see no greater risk of choking than one choking on their own salvia or in eating some regular foods. In fact, the risk is probably less than eating a steak given the consistency of "hardness". The only issue is volume and filling the mouth (especially solids) to over capacity before consumption. Maitresse may have to somewhat control how much is released at one time but certainly with much less control than Goddess has been so kind to exercise up until now.

i hope this post answers some of Your concerns and responds to Your instructions, dear Goddess. i hope that You turn me in to Your toilet furniture. i am Yours to use as You like!.

Realistic Long Term Use

It is time, as per Maitresse's instructions, to focus on "reality". i have longed to be used for extended periods and to be objectified in such a way that i am simply used as Maitresse goes about living Her life... coming and going. She seems interested in owning a toilet that She can use as She goes about Her life and Her day as well. There are a couple of problems with this situation that have to be addressed to make it a realistically "doable" situation.

The first is cramping of the slave. i have had issues with being bound on my back for extended periods... mostly with my shoulders. i think what will solve this issue will be a wider pad that supports the shoulders more. The other possibility would be a larger pillow that supports not only the slave's head but its shoulders as well. i'll be looking for such a pillow this week. If this issue can be worked out, i see no reason that the slave could not be bound for hours and hours. Sure, there are always issues such as an itch here, need to scratch there. A certain amount of discomfort is to be expected... it is BDSM after all. However, severe discomfort such as shoulder pain that grows and grows does not help the toilet perform.

The second major issue is the disposal of the slave's own waste. i feel certain i would not be bound for double-digit hours so i feel pretty good that i don't have to come up with a way to deal with my own solid. So, what to do about the liquid? i've been looking but have not found yet some clear, thin plastic tube that is large enough to fit over the slave's cock. However, i feel sure i will be able to come up with something. What i am thinking is that the Kali's Teeth would be substituted for a piece of tube. This would be held to the slave's cock via round pipe clamp (the kind that is very adjustable). i would then run the other end in to a large plastic bag (such as a gallon size zip-lock) and seal it with another pipe clamp. In such a way, i think the slave could dispose of its own liquid waste without needing to be released. The other option is an adult diaper. However, this is not a very attractive option but one that could be done quickly. With the slave's body hidden, it might be a viable option to Maitresse.

Another question to be answered is the edge play aspect. They say to not play and be bound alone. It is something of a risk. However, it is a calculated risk if a slave is to become truly a toilet for extended periods while not requiring its Owner to be "bound" to the house while the slave is serving. There is one safety factor in the new bench i have which is its weight. i think i could turn it over if i tried hard enough. Perhaps some bolt cutters (i already have them laid out when i serve anyway) would be left in the room in case of great emergency (fire, etc). With some work, the slave could probably escape if it absolutely had to. i'm not very worried about this situation, though. This is edge play and the chance of something happening while bound alone is very very slim. It's not much of a risk in my opinion.

One other thought is "safe words". i wonder about them if i am to become truly a toilet. i wonder if they should not be honored if i am to be totally owned by Goddess. i trust Maitresse more than enough to not have them... to trust in Her looking after the overall well-being of Her property. i wonder if i am to become a living object She owns if all decisions/speaking should be taken away and the care/maintenance of Her toilet vested with Her. On the other hand, i am scared of not having a safe word for cramping, etc. However, i am fully convinced that there should be no release/safe word for the actual disposal of Her gifts. i believe that from here out all must be consumed and consumed efficiently less heavy punishment be involved. Discipline/method up to Her but i would suggest that the time has come to be a fully functioning toilet.

The above assumes the slave would be serving here, at its house, or some other location where the bench and box can be used. i'm not fully sure yet about how to handle long term service somewhere where the box was not in use. i have heard of toilet slaves being locked in a bathroom or closet while their Mistresse was away and were to remain "available" upon Her return. However, it does not allow for bondage and full objectification as the slave's Owner would need to speak and instruct them when She needs to go to the bathroom. i suppose it depends upon how She wants to own and use Her toilet slave. However, if the slave were to be living off of only Her wastes, i would suggest a ball gag so that it could not be tempted to "steal" some water or people food. If in a location that the bondage box was not able to be used, i'm still sure that enough bondage could be enforced to maintain the slave's disipline though... hand cuff to foot cuff for example. Again, a diaper or waste bag would most likely be needed.

No matter what She decides, i am thrilled that Maitresse is considering turning me in to even more of a toilet. my own selfish wishes have been to become more and more of just a toilet to Her... a living breathing part of the structure of the house. i worship my dear Maitresse and want to become the exact toilet slave She desires... whatever that may be. Her body gives the slave its true nourishment. i shall be interested in Her thoughts on this post. i sincerely hope to give Her the types of services and sessions that makes Her happy and fulfills Her desires and even fantasies. Maitresse Kristian is already the ultimate Goddess.... i hope to give Her the best toilet and Her deepest experience in owning a toilet slave for Her use and enjoyment.

Additional Thoughts - Last Service

The more i reflect upon O/our last session, the more the experience comes alive in my head. Although no brown was involved, only golden, the session took me to a place i had longed to go for so long. i had no sense of time... no sense of if i had been there for an hour or six. Very little light filtered in and with the bedroom door shut, no sound filtered in to the toilet slave room. Literally all i could do was await my Goddess to decide She needed to use Her slave. i began to slip in to the place i have sought... the objectification i have been hoping for.. the depth of slavery. However, i can only imagine what it is like for toilet slaves in such a position for extended period. What would it be like with no acknowledgement what so ever? Maitresse only using Her slave and using Her slave exactly as She wants.. no "holding back". What would i feel if i knew in advance that She may leave and return, leave and return going about Her life. Very literally only seeing Her Divine self when She needed to go to the bathroom. Neither spoken to nor regarding as existing... just a thing? Would Maitresse be able to slip in to such a role?? To very much regard the slave as a thing She owns? She is such a wonderful Maitresse, i do wonder. i also believe that the sheet hiding the slave's body helped with the scene. i can't help but think that it helps to enhance the session for Maitresse... that it helps Her to regard the toilet as a thing and not a person as She is not looking at a person's body. i have wondered a great deal what Maitresse thought of the session and the direction of future services to Her. More than anything else though i wonder about living off of Her wastes for a while... of taking my toilet service to Her to a level few aspire and fewer achieve. i wonder if She wants such a slave... to what edge She is interested in. Hopefully time will reveal Her thoughts, desires, and even fantasies. i have said several times that a slave exists to enhance its Owners being and i sincerely hope to become the exact type of toilet slave She desires. i have dreams and aspirations, sure, but i want to make sure that more than anything i fulfill Hers... that i am able to be the toilet slave (both in depth and proficiency) that She considers ideal.

Maitresse, You are truly a unique Goddess and i am so very blessed to know and serve You. i have been such a lucky slave to have been blessed with knowing and serving You. You are truly one in a million dear Maitresse. If W/we parted ways tomorrow i have been more fortunate than most for having known You. i do, of course, hope to continue my devoted service to my Divine One... thank You for blessing my life thus far. Thank You as well for the wonderful background picture You provided the slave. i think it is a wonderful picture.

Pics of the Revised Set-Up

i thought i'd upload some pics of the new "set-up". The sheet/curtain is strung in such a way that it meets the back of the toilet box thus rendering the slave as "not there" except for its face in the toilet "bowl". i think this helps to allow Maitresse to further forget about Her slave and simply own a toilet.