Addressing Maitresse's Concerns

Maitresse, in Her kind nature of being concerned for Her property, has expressed a concern and instructed Her slave to do some on-line research in to the topic. Given that i am bound and in a prone state, She is worried that i may choke if She uses me too quickly/naturally. Her specific statement was that the human body is not designed to consume in a prone position and given my bondage She worries i may become dangerously choked and unable to clear my throat. She wanted me to find a couple of possible solutions to this problem on the net though i have only been able to come up with one. However, given the bench design, i am not concerned at all with becoming dangerously choked, which i will discuss shortly.

i have attempted to find discussions regarding this issue and have not found anything specific to the topic. Most topics center around the how/why a Mistress would want a toilet slave, how long to use a toilet slave without a break ("real" food, water, etc), and other such topics. A couple topics centered around "volume" and the slave being able to keep up. i think that is is more of a problem than actual choking. Large or continuous volumes of solid or liquid waste seem to pose the largest problem but are somewhat overcome with practice. However, toilet slaves are still hindered by the amount of solid material that can be put in the mouth before overflowing. Practice and determination allow it to flush quickly enough to please its Owner/User. i think that this is my largest issue... how to consume quickly enough to keep up. Golden, for me, based upon my last service seems to be largely resolved. Brown gifts, though, may still be somewhat of an issue. Luckily for Maitresse and i both, usually Her gifts do not require much chewing before being flushed. In fact, more often than not, they can be flushed down Her toilet's throat without any actual "processing" by the receptacle. Therefore, actual risk of windpipe blockage is very minimal. More of a risk is aspirating a small amount of material during large volumes but that is a risk all toilet's face. Thus, the largest problem is how to consume the volume given during a natural bowel movement. This, i can only assume from what i've read, is a function of practice and willpower. i have the will but the willpower has been somewhat missing for a while. However, i firmly believe that this situation has been resolved.

i can only assume that Maitresse wants to continue to have a bound toilet. She seems to really like the idea and the possibilities it presents by using a toilet box. One possible alternative is to slant the entire bench to allow for a better "flow" from mouth to stomach. This is not all that practical though as the slave would slide down the bench. Perhaps a slight modification can be made in the future to slightly angle the bench but i really don't know how well that would work. A better option i feel is to more elevate the head and neck. i have a pillow inside the box but i think i should go out and look for an extra firm one. This would, i feel, elevate the head a slight bit more and allow for a better angle for material to go down.

It is a comfort that Maitresse takes such concern in Her slave. Both She and i desire for me to be nothing but an object and for Her to not need to be concerned with Her slave... and simply use it. i honestly feel that given the design of the box itself there is extremely little risk in my becoming choked to the extent of being dangerous. i may make a mess, but life and health should not be a factor. In my design, my head is not restrained. It can turn as far as a head can in any regular bed. Therefore, should i actually get choked i can turn my head to my side and nature will take care of the issue through coughing, etc. Also, should the unthinkable happen, the box can be flipped over quickly and the entire bench (with me still on it) could be overturned as the bench itself is not super stable. With the help of another, flipping the bench over would not be all that difficult. After much thought and consideration, in order to maintain the realism of what Maitresse and i are trying so hard to accomplish, elevating the head a touch more seems to be the most viable solution. Other than that, the slave would not be bound at all which takes away from the experience of being a toilet.

In my most humble opinion, i believe that Maitresse should feel completely at ease in viewing Her toilet as just that.. something She uses. She should not be concerned for my safety as i think overall its the best possible design and one that i found online to be the best if a slave is to be bound. The only words She may need to speak to Her toilet are "golden" or "brown" as this helps the slave position its head where it should be to perform its duties. i wouldn't mind my head being a bit more restrained as this gives the feeling of even less control over the situation but i left it "loose" to allow for a possible emergency. Especially with the head rest modification, i see no greater risk of choking than one choking on their own salvia or in eating some regular foods. In fact, the risk is probably less than eating a steak given the consistency of "hardness". The only issue is volume and filling the mouth (especially solids) to over capacity before consumption. Maitresse may have to somewhat control how much is released at one time but certainly with much less control than Goddess has been so kind to exercise up until now.

i hope this post answers some of Your concerns and responds to Your instructions, dear Goddess. i hope that You turn me in to Your toilet furniture. i am Yours to use as You like!.

Realistic Long Term Use

It is time, as per Maitresse's instructions, to focus on "reality". i have longed to be used for extended periods and to be objectified in such a way that i am simply used as Maitresse goes about living Her life... coming and going. She seems interested in owning a toilet that She can use as She goes about Her life and Her day as well. There are a couple of problems with this situation that have to be addressed to make it a realistically "doable" situation.

The first is cramping of the slave. i have had issues with being bound on my back for extended periods... mostly with my shoulders. i think what will solve this issue will be a wider pad that supports the shoulders more. The other possibility would be a larger pillow that supports not only the slave's head but its shoulders as well. i'll be looking for such a pillow this week. If this issue can be worked out, i see no reason that the slave could not be bound for hours and hours. Sure, there are always issues such as an itch here, need to scratch there. A certain amount of discomfort is to be expected... it is BDSM after all. However, severe discomfort such as shoulder pain that grows and grows does not help the toilet perform.

The second major issue is the disposal of the slave's own waste. i feel certain i would not be bound for double-digit hours so i feel pretty good that i don't have to come up with a way to deal with my own solid. So, what to do about the liquid? i've been looking but have not found yet some clear, thin plastic tube that is large enough to fit over the slave's cock. However, i feel sure i will be able to come up with something. What i am thinking is that the Kali's Teeth would be substituted for a piece of tube. This would be held to the slave's cock via round pipe clamp (the kind that is very adjustable). i would then run the other end in to a large plastic bag (such as a gallon size zip-lock) and seal it with another pipe clamp. In such a way, i think the slave could dispose of its own liquid waste without needing to be released. The other option is an adult diaper. However, this is not a very attractive option but one that could be done quickly. With the slave's body hidden, it might be a viable option to Maitresse.

Another question to be answered is the edge play aspect. They say to not play and be bound alone. It is something of a risk. However, it is a calculated risk if a slave is to become truly a toilet for extended periods while not requiring its Owner to be "bound" to the house while the slave is serving. There is one safety factor in the new bench i have which is its weight. i think i could turn it over if i tried hard enough. Perhaps some bolt cutters (i already have them laid out when i serve anyway) would be left in the room in case of great emergency (fire, etc). With some work, the slave could probably escape if it absolutely had to. i'm not very worried about this situation, though. This is edge play and the chance of something happening while bound alone is very very slim. It's not much of a risk in my opinion.

One other thought is "safe words". i wonder about them if i am to become truly a toilet. i wonder if they should not be honored if i am to be totally owned by Goddess. i trust Maitresse more than enough to not have them... to trust in Her looking after the overall well-being of Her property. i wonder if i am to become a living object She owns if all decisions/speaking should be taken away and the care/maintenance of Her toilet vested with Her. On the other hand, i am scared of not having a safe word for cramping, etc. However, i am fully convinced that there should be no release/safe word for the actual disposal of Her gifts. i believe that from here out all must be consumed and consumed efficiently less heavy punishment be involved. Discipline/method up to Her but i would suggest that the time has come to be a fully functioning toilet.

The above assumes the slave would be serving here, at its house, or some other location where the bench and box can be used. i'm not fully sure yet about how to handle long term service somewhere where the box was not in use. i have heard of toilet slaves being locked in a bathroom or closet while their Mistresse was away and were to remain "available" upon Her return. However, it does not allow for bondage and full objectification as the slave's Owner would need to speak and instruct them when She needs to go to the bathroom. i suppose it depends upon how She wants to own and use Her toilet slave. However, if the slave were to be living off of only Her wastes, i would suggest a ball gag so that it could not be tempted to "steal" some water or people food. If in a location that the bondage box was not able to be used, i'm still sure that enough bondage could be enforced to maintain the slave's disipline though... hand cuff to foot cuff for example. Again, a diaper or waste bag would most likely be needed.

No matter what She decides, i am thrilled that Maitresse is considering turning me in to even more of a toilet. my own selfish wishes have been to become more and more of just a toilet to Her... a living breathing part of the structure of the house. i worship my dear Maitresse and want to become the exact toilet slave She desires... whatever that may be. Her body gives the slave its true nourishment. i shall be interested in Her thoughts on this post. i sincerely hope to give Her the types of services and sessions that makes Her happy and fulfills Her desires and even fantasies. Maitresse Kristian is already the ultimate Goddess.... i hope to give Her the best toilet and Her deepest experience in owning a toilet slave for Her use and enjoyment.

Additional Thoughts - Last Service

The more i reflect upon O/our last session, the more the experience comes alive in my head. Although no brown was involved, only golden, the session took me to a place i had longed to go for so long. i had no sense of time... no sense of if i had been there for an hour or six. Very little light filtered in and with the bedroom door shut, no sound filtered in to the toilet slave room. Literally all i could do was await my Goddess to decide She needed to use Her slave. i began to slip in to the place i have sought... the objectification i have been hoping for.. the depth of slavery. However, i can only imagine what it is like for toilet slaves in such a position for extended period. What would it be like with no acknowledgement what so ever? Maitresse only using Her slave and using Her slave exactly as She wants.. no "holding back". What would i feel if i knew in advance that She may leave and return, leave and return going about Her life. Very literally only seeing Her Divine self when She needed to go to the bathroom. Neither spoken to nor regarding as existing... just a thing? Would Maitresse be able to slip in to such a role?? To very much regard the slave as a thing She owns? She is such a wonderful Maitresse, i do wonder. i also believe that the sheet hiding the slave's body helped with the scene. i can't help but think that it helps to enhance the session for Maitresse... that it helps Her to regard the toilet as a thing and not a person as She is not looking at a person's body. i have wondered a great deal what Maitresse thought of the session and the direction of future services to Her. More than anything else though i wonder about living off of Her wastes for a while... of taking my toilet service to Her to a level few aspire and fewer achieve. i wonder if She wants such a slave... to what edge She is interested in. Hopefully time will reveal Her thoughts, desires, and even fantasies. i have said several times that a slave exists to enhance its Owners being and i sincerely hope to become the exact type of toilet slave She desires. i have dreams and aspirations, sure, but i want to make sure that more than anything i fulfill Hers... that i am able to be the toilet slave (both in depth and proficiency) that She considers ideal.

Maitresse, You are truly a unique Goddess and i am so very blessed to know and serve You. i have been such a lucky slave to have been blessed with knowing and serving You. You are truly one in a million dear Maitresse. If W/we parted ways tomorrow i have been more fortunate than most for having known You. i do, of course, hope to continue my devoted service to my Divine One... thank You for blessing my life thus far. Thank You as well for the wonderful background picture You provided the slave. i think it is a wonderful picture.

Pics of the Revised Set-Up

i thought i'd upload some pics of the new "set-up". The sheet/curtain is strung in such a way that it meets the back of the toilet box thus rendering the slave as "not there" except for its face in the toilet "bowl". i think this helps to allow Maitresse to further forget about Her slave and simply own a toilet.

November Service & New Set-Up

It has been a good while since my last update partly due to computer issues and partly due to an intensive travel schedule. However, in November i was completely blessed to have served Maitresse Kristian two different times. The first time was very disappointing as, of not great surprise, my performance was not very good. i had been out of practice given the time since my last service and i was a very poor toilet. However, the second time, though only golden was required, i believe i was a much more functional toilet. Should i have the honor of serving Her again in December i believe i will be a fully functioning toilet again. In fact, my request to Goddess was to use me a naturally as possible the next time as i think i'm ready. my humble opinion is that She should simply sit and do Her "business" the next time without a single care for me. If i screw up, there should most likely be pain involved for the slave.

i made a significant adjustment to the toilet box system this time. Rather than have it in a bathroom, i cleared a closet and put it in a walk-in closet. The door won't close as i need a few more inches but the door to the bedroom is at least able to be closed. As another modification for the second visit i played with a sheet to block off the view of my body, strung between the closet shelves. With the sheet, the only thing Maitresse would see is my face. With the bedroom door shut, most all sound was blocked out. Especially during my second service, i was taken closer to the place i so long to find... to become nothing but Her toilet. There was no real sense of time with what little light filtered in. i didn't really know if it had been minutes or hours since She last peed. There was no "mental stimulation" from external stimuli though i did strain to hear something.. anything... without much luck. It seemed that Maitresse had been able to indeed forget about me and was going about whatever She was doing. It was wonderful. i was closer to becoming what i truly long for than ever before.

i have written extensively of my longing for very long service to Maitresse. Of being Her toilet and nothing else to Her but just that for days, weeks, months, years without any form of sexual release... just Her body's wastes and the wastes of those She so chooses to allow to use me. If Maitresse ever moved back up this way, i could see the closet toilet box as my new "home" much of the time... or if i were able to move down there. my dream is to be as much of a lifestyle toilet to Maitresse Kristian as She desires. If She were to build me permanent in to Her home i think i would jump at the chance. There are a few more minor things i need to fix, such as perhaps a wider air mattress, but i think i am close to being able to be Her toilet for a very long period/session. i hope it is time to serve Her in the manor She deserves and, i think, desires. i hope i am very close to being able to become nothing but an object to Her once the cuffs are on. i hope i am close to becoming Her perfect toilet... something She uses and owns without any care or concern.... the deepest of objectification slavery as a piece of furniture. W/we discussed briefly "lifestyle" toilet slavery though i have not heard back what this term would actually mean to the Devine One. i'll be interested to hear if She is looking at another session in December.

i dream of my next service, Maitresse Kristian. Thank You so very much for November!!

Just a Couple More Days!!!!

i am sitting around thinking, dreaming, and longing for Saturday to come. It's almost like waiting for Christmas as a kid. i cannot wait to see the ultimate Goddess and to be be Her slave. i hope i do well. i hope She enjoys Herself and Her slave. i find myself fearful that i won't perform and praying i do well. She has said i will be used without regard... at Her slave's request. i hope when She needs to brown, She simply does it without a care in the world for Her slave under Her. i find myself wondering if the meeting is truly going to happen... is it too good to be true... as if i will awake and it was a dream. i also find myself slipping in to a day-dream... that my Goddess is coming to enslave me in permanent toilet service of no escape and nothing but a toilet. Life is not fantasy though.. but it is fun to reflect and dream. i await Your arrival, dear Maitresse Kristian... i await to serve You!!

Upcoming Service!!!!

The day i had thought may not arrive appears to be just around the corner!! Maitresse is planning to have me serve Her this weekend and i deeply hope nothing happens to change that. From conversations, i may even be so lucky as to be in service long enough to receive 2 feedings from Her. i have written at length of my devotion to Her and longing of service. It has been so long since i have seen Her that i am both extremely excited and amazingly nervous. i am concerned with my ability to perform to the level She deserves given i am "out of practice". Maitresse is a kind but strict Goddess. She does take concern in Her slave's well-being. However, i sincerely hope that each and every time She sits upon me She will not care about me at all... i deeply hope She will be able to simply use Her slave. To this end, i have purchased a couple of open-mouth gags for Her to review and if She likes, use on me.

i need this.. Her total use and regulation of me as a owned object to consume wastes more than words describe. i can already feel my dear beloved Goddess sitting upon me... allowing Her humble slave to, if only for a while, to be what it longs for more than anything.. Her toilet. i am most happy as Her toilet and a thing of Hers. i am still somewhat in shock and to a lesser extent, disbelief, that i will finally see Her. i had truly began to give up any hope of being Hers again. This past week has had me in such a good mood. Life just feels better knowing i am again Her toilet. The reader already knows how i feel about long-term ownership by Maitresse Kristian and my desires to be Her toilet more than any sex drive. i hope this is the re-start of seeing Her on a somewhat regular basis.

i count the hours, dear Goddess and Owner, until i am being of service to You. i live for Your ownership and use. Thank You in advance!! A session of service the length You have described scares me (due to time since last service) but is what i dream and long for. i am Yours to use as You see fit.

Story Exerpt

Below are a few excerpts from my favorite story. Each time i read it i cannot help but think of Maitresse and the depths of my longing to serve and be owned. It is, of course, fantasy. However, what a wonderful thought it is to think of seeing only Her Goddess bottom as a toilet slave such as is below. No sex, no masturbation, no release... only toilet service. It would be a worthwhile life if serving the Supreme Being, Maitresse Kristian.




"In you go." She said unceremoniously and I complied, laying myself carefully inside the box, sliding my head through the hole at the top and into the toilet affixed on the other side. She slid the neckpiece into place, which locked my head into the toilet on the other side and proceeded to affix metal cuffs to my wrists and ankles. These were in turn locked to the D rings within the box. The two catheter tubes were threaded through holes drilled out for them and the tubes attached to their respective receiving bag. The electrode wires were threaded through another hole drilled out for it and She stood back and smiled at the site. She placed the lid on and deftly nailed it into place. Then set the TENS unit on top and plugged the electrode wires into it. Closing the door, she went back into the bathroom.

Looking at the site, She say an odd looking toilet attached to a wooden protrusion tastefully colored as the rest of her bathroom was. On the surface of the wooden protrusion were two holes. Within these holes were visible my nipples, threaded as they were with candlewick. She decided to let the plaster harden around them before she filled the holes with wax and created two inset candles. She placed the toilet down over the hood and locked it into place. I heard the clicking of the lock and felt a sense of finality. It was frightening, given my current situation.

"This will be the last time you are ever addressed by anyone, ever again. From this point on, you will most likely never again see another human face. You will never be spoken to and never be regarded as even existing. You've become a toilet... my toilet and nothing, and I do mean nothing, more. You will never again move, or walk about, or see anything except the bottom of this bowl and, of course, my ass. And, you should feel privileged at that too." She mocked a scolding look. "Speaking is forbidden to you. If you speak, I will use the TENS unit, not that I don't reserve the right to use it any time I feel like it. If that proves unsuccessful in silencing you, I will shut the catheter valves. If that becomes unsuccessful, I will fill this bowl with water until you drown. Please, do not push me to that limit." She stood up and kissed Her palm and placed it upon my lips."Oh, and before I forget... Thank you." She smiled and closed the lid.

Portable Toilet Idea

Just a very quick post. Found this pic on-line. Not a bad idea or way for a toilet to be a "portable" toilet slave... hotel rooms, etc. i would think it could be concealed in a large duffel bag for transport without attracting any undue notice. Only thought/suggestion would be for the slave to be turned around for use. Maitresse would have to step over and around the slave in this set-up which would not be good. A slave is there to enhance its Owner's life, not cause additional work and effort!!! This set-up is easier to make work though as when the slave is the other way around, the depth must be more to allow to toilet seat placement. The seat must be moved forward and therefore does not fit the slave's head as well without being wider to allow for shoulders to be inside. Still, it's got me thinking...........

Thoughts of Ownership

i haven't submitted an update this month as thus far i have not seen my beloved Maitresse. However, She will be having me serve Her and Her needs very soon according to correspondence. i truly cannot wait to see Her. Life is so much darker without Her and being Her toilet slave. The other reason i have not posted an update is that i feel guilty of the "i want", "my dream is", "i hope for" updates as they do not focus on Her except for my selfishly wishing to serve as Her toilet. But, on the other hand, being Her toilet slave is precious to me and serving Her my greatest honor. i cannot believe it has been 6 months since i last serve Her and then again, i very much can. It seems like 20 years and i have most definitely not been the same person.

i have somewhat beat around the bush and hinted but i have been wondering about lifestyle slavery to my Supreme Goddess. i have given it a lot of thought and while i do not know what She would desire, i can think of nothing greater than being a lifestyle slave to Maitresse Kristian. i would most assuredly give up all rights to and the privilege of any sort of self pleasure or pleasure given by others to Maitresse Kristian. i would rather live my life in total and complete sexual frustration and be Her toilet. i would desire to be a real life toilet slave to Her... a custom built toilet slave bench and box made by an actual craftsman my often home bound and most likely gagged with some sort of funnel or o-ring to ensure total consumption. i would imagine i could serve for several days at a time with a few days in between but i also wonder about being a toilet slave to Her somewhat 24/7. i would give up all pleasure associated with my sex for the honor and pleasure of being Her toilet. i would have to move near Her and that would be something i would enjoy doing for such an arrangement. i would imagine i would be branded/tattooed in some manor, registered on in a slave registry, and bound by a very restrictive contract that was iron-clad in my full willingness to become a bathroom fixture for Her. i have given a lot of thought and a walk-in closet would be much better than in the bathroom taking up room (unless it was an absolutely huge bathroom). i would guess i would spend most of my time in the dark and waiting for Her. The thoughts of Her Goddess private parts would drive me crazy with lust while bound and unable to pleasure at all to the mental images. The torment would be even worse if, as nothing but a slave and object, i were bound and forced to listen to Maitresse enjoy Herself with self gratification or another giving Her pleasure. How would i feel in the weeks, months, and maybe years to come spent suffering unending chastity and deprivation? Could i dispose of Her divine "brown" every single day even if supplemented by "regular" food? i'm not sure but what i do know is that i would take the chance, challenge, and opportunity! i would rather be a toilet slave to Maitresse than have a steady girlfriend or be married. i would find more fulfillment in being reduced to a "thing" to Her and taking Her pee, brown, snot, and what ever else She decided than some vanilla relationship. i am drawn to iron-clad contractual slavery to Her as an extension of Her home plumbing and though it probably will never happen, i often think of being Her 24/7 slave and frequent toilet slave.

1st August Update

It has been a long time since i have served Maitresse Kristian!! Way too long for a series of reasons... since before Easter. However, i still find myself longing for Her and dreaming of serving Her. i can say this with all truth....... i would rather be Maitresse Kristian's owned and controlled toilet slave than anything else! If for some reason i were given the choice to continue to be able to have as much sex with whomever and whenever i wanted... to make decisions of what i do for fun and when... or be Her owned and more or less full time toilet slave outside of work, etc and never be allowed to make any sexual decision again... perhaps never even masturbate again... i would choose to be Her toilet slave! i would choose to have my free time spent in a professionally built toilet slave bench locked away in a closet or bathroom in Her home. i would choose to give up any rights to sexual freedom; self gratification or with others. i would choose to be an object She owns and uses how She desires... to suffer boredom and frustration and loss of freedom of decisions for the one and only honor of consuming and disposing of Her pee, scat, spit, nails, and anything else She desires. i would choose to receive nothings for days at a time but the wastes Her Body offers.

W/we have talked about serving as a long-term toilet to Her (for a few days)... i so hope it happens. i want... i long.. to be treated, regarded, and know i am nothing but a thing to receive Her gifts. Though i may desire it once i begin the service, i sincerely ask for no reprieve or compassion... but to be an object... a slave with but one purpose that will be punished severely for failure. Gagged to accept all that is required. This is my hope for the near future and i pray i shall serve Maitresse again.

Dreams

Just some ramblings and thoughts..........


* i dream of being a lifestyle slave to Maitresse Kristian.
* i dream of being a long term toilet used for extended and for often recurring periods to Maitresse Kristian.
* i dream of an inescapable contract binding me to frequent toilet service to Maitresse.
* i dream of being bound on a professionally made custom toilet bench designed for long term use and locked away in a closet or bathroom modified for my presence.
* i dream of being locked away in the darkness behind closed doors... forgotten until Maitresse needs to use me... with nothing but boredom and straining to hear Maitresse coming to occupy my time.
* i dream of a toilet bench with a custom funnel that all golden and brown materials may be deposited in to....... of having no choice what-so-ever except to dispose of any wastes Maitresse Kristian chooses.
* i dream of utter sexual frustration to focus my slave mind on the service of Maitresse.
* i dream of reaching a point of being willing to do anything for a "release" and striving to please Maitresse... only to ensure my continued frustration through Her pleasure with the dedicated service shown to Her in my hopes of gaining the privilege of a "release"...
* i dream of living off of nothing but the golden and brown wastes of Maitresse, along with anything else She decides to "flush"... Her nail clippings, ear and nose "stuff", phlegm, and the like.. during each extended period.
* i dream of being "shown off" by Maitresse to Her Domme friends and being loaned, rented, or shared by Her enhance Her status among slave Owners.
* i dream of being turned in to a level of toilet slave usually only found in the world of fiction writing.
* i dream of being a real and total toilet slave without a safe-word, reprieve, or choice of how i am used.
* i dream of "hitting" the lottery so that i would be able to not work and thus my finance my long term slavery to Her.
* i dream of becoming Her complete and ultimate toilet.
* i dream of Maitresse Kristian.

Torment of Chastity

i am so aroused that i almost can't stand it. i have been in chastity since Wednesday (it is Saturday) as part of my instructions for prep to service Goddess Kristian. i am to be Her toilet today and the waiting and anticipation are driving me mad. i wish i were allowed to relieve myself while waiting. The combination of lack of release, pent up longing from my period without being in service to Her, and the anticipation of Her arrival have combined to have me in a state of desperation for release. i do not know if i will be allowed to pleasure myself after She is gone. It would be torture to not.

i have written about my dreams of being Her toilet for days and days. However, i wonder how bad it would be if i were in chastity for weeks leading up to it and then during the long term service? i have a feeling the desperation would be maddening; and when combined with living off of nothing but Her Goddess wastes for several days in a row would be a most severe slave test.

i hope She arrives soon!!!!!!

Updated Thoughts... Still Hoping for Service to Goddess

It's amazing really, how much i have come to miss being a toilet slave. It has been over 2 months since my last use and i have come to long to be bound, objectified, and used. i especially miss Maitresse's use. i truly in my heart of hearts love to serve Her. She is my ultimate Goddess and i miss being under Her so. i suppose, as much as i miss being a toilet, i could visit a Pro Domme... O/out contract was not mutually exclusive. The reality is, however, that i want to serve no other Goddess than Maitresse with the exception of those She would ever designate, as this would still be serving Her. i have served no other Goddess since the signing of the contract. Maitresse is my Goddess, my Mistress, and my slave Owner as long as She keeps me. The trouble is, i wonder if She still plans to keep me. W/we texted a few times but it has been a long time since i have received an email, etc from Her. Only short texts that "things are fine", etc. Words cannot describe how empty i feel without having been under my Goddess. i have an utter devotion to Her. There is greater one on this earth than Goddess Kristian.

i think all the time about the "hotel idea" i have written about. More than at my home, i feel like She could truly turn me in to what i am in such a place... an absolute, total object to consume what She gives. i love the idea of Her being able to come and go and enjoy Herself and only view me as Her bathroom. If She would so like, even for a few days... i would get nothing but Her wastes. i often fantasize of being Her toilet forever. This is not realistic but being Her toilet for a few days... what an honor for this slave and hopefully what a sense of power for Maitresse!! Having someone / something locked away whose only purpose to You would be to take care of waste disposals would have to be very empowering to a Domme, i would imagine. No sexual gratification, no self release, and no release from service until the time was complete... only a thing to flush golden, brown, nose, and other wastes. It would be a dream come true !!

i just hope that Maitresse still has a use for me. Having gone 2 months without being of service to Her i am very concerned! Scared actually... that She is loosing interest in Her slave.

Hopes & Thoughts

It's amazing how much a slave can come to miss its Owner. Words cannot describe the "emptiness" i have felt in not serving Maitresse during my absence of use. i miss speaking with Her, catching up on what has been happening in Her life, and in general how Her world has been going. i miss greatly the contact with Her; just knowing that i am still allowed in Her presence. However, i also truly miss Her objectification of me and being made to feel as a functioning toilet for Her use!!! It's amazing, actually, how i come to long and yearn for Her use as time goes by between services. i become consumed with the thoughts and desires, in fact needs, to become Her vessel to dispose of Her most Supreme Goddess essences all the while regarded as a piece of furniture She owns.

Lately, the idea of being Her slave locked in a hotel and used as She needs is all-consuming (pardon the pun). Goddess Kristian seems to truly enjoy "object slavery" and i can envision such a session as turning Her devoted slave in to nothing more to Her during the session than a toilet She comes to use with little regard. i sincerely hope for harsh and demanding use... no room for failure and no sympathy for what must be disposed of. i can think of no greater honor than to be kept away in such service for a day or two and consuming nothing but the waste products my Goddess Maitresse Kristian deposits. i want Her to own me as Her toilet; fully, completely, and totally for however long She would choose to keep me. i truly desire to serve Her in such a way that She does not worry about my consumption... it would be "guaranteed". This has been somewhat resolved through my purchase of a funnel gag. It will serve very well for Her golden though a slight modification is required. The straps are to short to buckle around my head but that is easily fixed. Total guarantees of full brown disposal are a little more difficult. i am considering a large diameter o-ring gag. This should ensure that She can use Her toilet with no worries. i want, more than anything, for Maitresse to be able to use Her toilet without regard or compassion... to be used in as "natural" fashion as She possibly can.

i don't know if this post has adequately conveyed the depth of this slave's desire to be objectified as a toilet to Maitresse Kristian. i suppose all i actually need to say is that i hope i have come up with some new options for Her to turn this slave in to as much of a toilet, and thus as much of an "object", as She would desire.

i hope that the Royal Maitresse Kristian blesses Her devoted slave with a response, and call to service, soon. i cannot describe how i yearn to take my rightful place, quite literally, under Her.

New Idea For toilet slave Use

i have not been able to serve Maitresse as of yet but i so long to be beneath Her. She was up this way but W/we could not meet at the time because of an infection i had. She had mentioned that perhaps W/we would meet this weekend for service to Her.

i had a new idea that Maitresse seemed to be interested in. First though, i have purchased a new funnel gag that will guarantee that the toilet will consume all of Her golden and She can pee as much as She needs to without stopping, etc for the slave to catch up. i think this will be a wonderful addition and look forward to experiencing it's use. my humble idea posed to Goddess was to get a hotel room close to where ever She was (or She use the room i would get to stay in). She could then come and go as She pleased, stopping in to use the toilet as She needed. i would only be of use to Her as as Her bathroom and then She could leave me again, bound and gagged.

To be honest, such a scenario is even more interesting to this humble toilet for an extended period (a few days). i worship Goddess Kristian. Being Her toilet completes me and Her body nourishes me. Being locked away (such as the hotel idea) for several days as a used and left toilet object living off of nothing but Her Royal golden and brown would be an ultimate dream (or close to it..... my ultimate dream involves continuous use as Her toilet and chastity slave for VERY long time). i hope i am given the gift of serving my Ultimate and Supreme Goddess. i need, in the depths of my bones, to feel Her indifference and objectification as She deposits Her Supreme wastes in to Her toilet.

Concerned & Confused

Unfortunately, i don't have much to update. i have not heard from my beloved Goddess, Maitresse Kristian for some time and have not served in a good while. i miss Her greatly. i miss Her voice, Her persona, just Her presence. i, of course, miss being Her toilet object as well. i never feel more alive than when She just ignores me and deposits Her wastes. i truly wish i could live off of nothing but the wastes of my Goddess for days and days at a time.... perhaps even week(s). The privilege of Her bottom sitting upon Her unworthy slave; freshly showered or following a night of dancing in the southern heat is no matter. i worship Her bottom and the gifts they bestow upon my unworthy self. i miss so deeply kneeling at the Supreme Maitresse's feet. Even if She does not allow Her slave to worship them. It is a unspeakable honor, though... worshiping Her feet. They are truly works of art! There is little to nothing i would not do to please my Goddess. She could "slut" me out to pleasure Her other slaves and i would be fine with it. Maitresse has thus far not issued corporal discipline upon Her slave. i truly wonder if some CBT applied vigorously to Her unworthy slave would please Goddess. i would gladly suffer heavy discipline of both my cock and balls to again serve under Maitresse Kristian. i miss Her so. i hope nothing is wrong. W/we have texted once but i have a feeling things are not going particularly well somehow. i wish Her the best... much more than She knows!! She is my Goddess, my Maitresse, my devotion.

i sincerely hope all is well, Goddess Kristian !!!!

Final Thoughts - Chastity Exercise

Yesterday was the last day of my Maitresse directed chastity. It has been an "interesting" experience. i'm not sure if Maitresse Kristian was wanting to punish Her slave directly or wanted to apply greater control over Her slave. In either (or both) case(s), it certainly would be considered a success.

Getting the device on was a, well, nightmare on Friday. Both Maitresse and i had significant trouble with the fit. However, as is the case with most anything, practice increases proficiency. By the end of the week it was much easier to get on. It was still somewhat difficult but could be accomplished without too much trouble. On the down side, i am actually a bit sore. The fit was a bit tight. i had to continually apply lotion to it in order to keep a deep burning down in my lower scrotum. That was the biggest issue, the lower area where the ring goes. Perhaps a better lubricant such as petroleum jelly or other item that would last much longer rather than absorb in to the skin would allow for more comfortable use. The pins can pinch the "member's" skin but that is a small issue which is quickly (believe me, very quickly) fixed. If i can figure out how to keep the ring from hurting so much, extended wear would be much more comfortable.

i certainly understand why many Mistresses prefer to use enforced chastity either as a punishment or often to encourage the slave's peak performance in its duties. i can't say i had become "desperate" for release by the end of the week but i was certainly a "focused" slave and can only imagine the feelings if i were to be or had been a toilet slave during that time. i found myself thinking a lot, and thus getting uselessly excited as much as the 6000 would allow, about Maitresse; Her Goddess form, Her use of me as Her object, Her Devine body's wastes, and the fact that She had put me in such a place. i so longed and desired to be under Her and to know at least the pleasure of Her use even if i could not experience sexual pleasure for myself. i did, to say the least, desire release more and more every day but at the same time became more and more focused every day. However, i also found that i was excited by the idea that Maitresse was demanding the chastity. i found that i was experiencing dual and competing emotions... i wanted to be allowed to pleasure myself and at the same time found pleasure in not being allowed by Mistress to do so. This combination only further added to my discomfort and desire! i could not have a release which i needed but the fact She would not allow me to do so excited me. And so went the circle.

i wore the device at night and during the day except for at work. Nightly wear was a little tough but only because i'm a stomach sleeper. i had to adjust this habit and sleep on my back or side. However, i am a firm believer that wearing at night is a "must". This is when the slave is most likely to have it's most arousing thoughts and could even have a "wet dream" as it becomes more backed up and easily aroused. i also found that wearing it while doing manual work could be an issue. i had to take it off while doing some fairly hard yard work on Saturday. i think that the device, given how it constricts the testicles, could actually be dangerous if the slave was doing heavy lifting. i would caution anyone to be very careful doing such activities as i could see something rupturing sort of like a hernia given the lack of movement and tight restriction as a heavy object was lifted.

i honestly wonder what it would be like for Maitresse to hold the only key. As i mentioned in my first post on this topic, W/we both had one. The distance between us makes this unlikely, at least for now. Perhaps when i am able to locate closer She may in fact become my key holder. i could see me being placed not only in key holder chastity but a cuckold as well. What a torture that would be for a slave that worships Goddess Kristian as i do! As far as fantasies go, they centered around long (i mean LONG) term toilet slavery, chastity, and denial. In all honesty, i dreamed about being such a slave for weeks or longer... the effects of such service would have on the slave, the total objectification, the complete frustration... this fantasy dominated the slave during its experience. A story of this nature, and the thoughts of Maitresse being the Owner, caused the slave to feel its allowed release this morning.

All in all, it was a fulfilling experience for the slave; which i hope was Mistress's intention. It was punishment, yes, but looking back, a great experience never the less. Probably much in the same way a pain slave finds it's torture to be a good experience once it's over. It has awakened thoughts and additional ideas regarding toilet service and guaranteed consumption which i will be investigating. However, it also allowed for other thoughts as well. i found myself wondering about physical punishments... pain application... and my limited experience in such areas. i also wondered greatly about being loaned to a transsexual for "bottom" services by Maitresse. However, most of all, i though of Maitresse, being Her toilet, and how to become much more proficient and a better slave to Her.

Chastity Update - Toilet Box Pix

Thought i'd post a quick update regarding chastity and attach the pics from the revised slave box.

It's actually getting very, well, difficult being in the device. i so want to touch and feel pleasure. Even just writing this, my device is becoming "full" thinking of what Maitresse is requiring of Her slave. i can only imagine what it would be like to be in total key-holder chastity for weeks or months! It would be pure torture for the slave but i am very sure it would also make a very compliant slave. i love Maitresse holding my key and find myself thinking about what it would be like for Her to hold the ONLY key. This prospect, surly spurred on by my exponentially increasing arousal and frankly, growing "lust and desire" adds to the slaves plight. What truly has been a prevailing thought, though, has been the thought of going through such a trial before service to Maitresse and then, kept in the condition through extended toilet service.... perhaps suffering the assured torture of the kali's teeth. This idea goes on to include being a full and complete toilet with nothing to eat or drink other than Goddess's bodily gifts for several days.

The major down side to this punishment is the pain it is now starting to cause. my scrotum is being to chafe and hurt. i try to keep lotion on the inside of the ring which helps. i am also beginning to bruise i think or at least become very sore. At times, a burning in the bottom of the scrotal area is pretty heavy but more often than not i can "work" the skin a bit to find relief. i've been trying to keep an eye for any unnatural discoloration but i have a feeling by the time Friday arrives, i'm going to be pretty sore and not just from "blue balls".

i hope Maitresse is pleased with the direction of Her experiment / requirement / domination of Her slave. Without a doubt, it has already been an "experience" for the slave.

Feeling Very Unworthy

Sometimes i wonder, truly wonder, if i am at all worthy to be Maitresse's toilet slave. Maitresse blessed Her toilet with Her presence on Friday. She seemed pleased with the new toilet box other than the fact it was a little too tall. i can fix that and then do a new slave bed. This should be the final design. However, my service was a disapointment to Her and ever since i've been having feelings failure, unworthiness, and fear (over being allowed to continue to serve Goddess)

i did not do well, and Maitresse's feedback was, as always, direct and brutally honest...... "I have been disappointed in your consumption of golden. Very much so, actually. And the gagging, we also need to work on eliminating that as much as possible because it is distracting to me" .... Regular training will fix the gagging issue and i have some ideas regarding golden and swallowing quickly in the box. Basically, i'm going to work with bottles of water while laying down to work on my swallowing proficiency without closing my mouth. i think that this will help immensely. i so want to be a "great toilet" and am scared of loosing Maitresse. i have made Her an offer of including punishment in O/out sessions (physical punishment/pain). i'm not what i would consider a "pain slave" and have very limited experience in such activities. However, i am scared of loosing Her and if my suffering helps atone for my failures and keeps my Beloved Goddess happier with Her slave, She has every right to punish me... harshly if necessary.

A while back, Maitresse had me purchase a CB-6000 chastity device. It is better than the CB-2000 i bought for my chastity punishment a while back. i was instructed on Friday to put it on and keep it on for 7 days. It has been difficult to say the least. i usually find a release each day and enjoy internet porn. i have limited my porn intake because of this effort to help ease my frustration. It is frustrating, to say the least. i think of Maitresse often and of being Her toilet. i so long for the pleasure of my hand while reading stories of toilet slavery! But, i must say once again, that male chastity is highly effective slave training. my heightened sense of need... my longing for release and pleasure... would make me a much more compliant and focused slave. i cannot imagine what it would feel like to serve Maitresse after such a period of chastity... especially if She traded the CB for the Kali's Teeth once service began. i can't help but feel that i would be a better serving slave due to my denied desires. Maitresse holds one key and i still have the other. Other than during some showers (but not all), a couple hours of yard work, and during my working hours, i have been locked since Friday afternoon around 5 or 6 (i think). At night and early morning are the worst! i wake up trying to get aroused and the morning arousal denied as well. i can only imagine what it's like for slaves in chastity for months and (according to internet writings which may be fiction) years.

i hope Maitresse still "enjoys" Her slave. i am so scared of loosing Her! More than anything i want to please Her as Her toilet. Hopefully i'll find a way. i hope the practice i'm going to try is effective. Pleasing and serving Goddess means the world to this toilet slave!!!


This is the chastity device box. i've been going back and forth regarding publishing a photo with it on. i'll defer to Maitresse. If instructed, i'll be more than happy to publish a photo or two of the device on.

Just Thoughts

Maitresse never ceases to amaze this slave! She is full of wonderful and intriguing surprises. i was lucky enough for Maitresse to allow me a bit of a glimpse in to Her world the other day. i cannot believe how strong, determined, and intelligent She truly is! i already knew each of these adjectives about Her but this rare look in to Her day to day life... Her trials, tribulations, and challenges... further cemented how utterly impressed with Goddess i truly am. Words cannot describe the joy i felt as She confided in Her slave! She is the epitome of strength and determination and i worship Her as such.

i continue to watch the job boards and something will give, i'm sure, soon! i continue to think of Maitresse and ownership and what would truly complete this slave. i have came to a final conclusion. i would, without looking back, give myself to full and complete Ownership to Maitresse. i would give up the right to any unauthorized sexual relief and who/how i am used as a slave! my place as a slave is as a toilet object / property. If Maitresse should ever desire to own this slave as nothing but a long term, frequent use toilet and nothing more, i would be honored. i long to be turned in to Her property and relegated to a piece of property and a functioning waste disposal device for Maitresse for as long as She would desire. i don't have tons of $$$ and i'm not all that good looking.... but i do have utter devotion to Goddess Kristian and know my place as Her object of Divine waste disposal. i long for nothing greater than to be turned by Her in to the strictest, most realistic, toilet slave She desires to Own.

If luck is on my side, i shall find myself in beneath, and in the service of, Supreme Kristian in the coming days/week. i hope and pray that Her plans work out and i am able to again serve Her! Oh, going in to the 10th day of no smoking... not since Monday a week ago at around 2:00!! It has not been easy and the only thing that keeps me "going" is Goddess and my desire to not disapoint Her!

New Story Posted

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Trying to Get Better... Tough Illness

It's been a rough couple weeks. The week before last was up in the Great Lakes again & starting to feel a "bug" coming on. By the time i got home, was pretty rough and finally went to the Dr on Monday. Turns out, been dealing with pneumonia... again. Had it about 2 years ago. After $$$ for Rx's, feeling much better. However, still have no wind or stamina and that is disappointing. Tried to work on the updated slave bed a little this weekend but just don't have the wind to do much of anything right now. i had so hoped to have it ready for the next service to Maitresse. i hope i am not too much of a disappointment to Her. i NEVER want to displease my Supreme Goddess... rather, exceeding Her expectations is always my goal. She is so very much to this slave... She makes this slave complete. Pleasing Her is my deepest pleasure. i hope i have not failed my Goddess too badly.

On a positive note, i have not been smoking. my post back at the beginning of the month i had tried but didn't make it but a couple days. Since i got sick, i have had much better luck. i want to do this for Her. Sure, getting off of the stupid things would be good for me but i know Maitresse hates smoke. i have never done it around Her. She has offered breaks where i would go in to my garage during a long session. However, i always felt so, well, small, when She did. Not because of anything She said or did but because i felt is somehow took away from the session for Her. She has not asked me to stop, at least as of yet. i feel that it would be a much greater gift to my beloved and divine Owner if i would offer this gift to Her without Her asking. As i mentioned, pleasing Her is always my #1 goal. In all honesty, i'm using a stop smoking aid but the idea is to use these to break the habit and then get off of them. So far, so good. No cigarettes since Monday... today will be 1 week. After that, as i wrote below, loose some weight. i don't think that both together is an attainable goal but one then the other should work.

Being Maitresse's toilet and being the best at it is my goal, need, and longing. i should hope for the day for long term Ownership. i should hope for the day i am used often and long and relegated to being an object, cuckhold, and anything else She desires. If i could, She would own me completely and totally and my life placed in Her hands (and contract). i continue to seek employment closer to Her though it has not gone well. i am, if nothing else though, persistent. It will happen. There are so many hobbies in life i enjoy... fishing, working outside, etc... but what i am and long to be someday if it ever works out is a toilet object owned by the ultimate Goddess & Owner... Maitresse Kristian.

Maitresse, i have not heard but i sincerely hope things are going ok (better). Please, if You should need anything, even just to talk, i am always available to You. You and Your happiness mean everything to me. If i can help with anything, just let me know!

Here if You need me

Maitresse, You have been in my thoughts and meditations! Please let me know if there is anything i can do for You; even if it is only an "ear" to sound off on. i am Your slave, yes... but i am a slave that worships and adores You more than You know. Any time You may need an ear to rant against or a shoulder i am there for You my beloved Goddess. You are my Goddess, my Mistress, my Owner, but most of all, my blessing. i may be a ways from You but please call anytime day or nite should You need. i guess all i am saying is that i'm here if You should need!!! i'm always here for You. Please know that You have been on my mind constantly and in my best wishes and meditations since Your note.



You, Supreme Maitresse, have read these words before (the other day) but i thought i would/should include on the blog my thoughts...

my life was truly blessed the day i met You. You are so special and interwoven in to my slave being... truly a Goddess & Mistress of Divine proportions. i honestly see me (if You would ever desire & i finally am able to move closer) giving myself to You as a deeply & strictly Owned slave. Maitresse Kristian, i could foresee myself, for You at least, giving up any and all controls of sexual pleasure to You, collared, registered, and maybe even tattooed with Your slave number. As much of an honor as it is to worship Your feet, etc, being Your toilet slave has been the greatest experience of my life... being Your long term "toilet property" would be the ultimate dream though most likely unattainable. i can think of no greater Goddess to serve in such a capacity as You. You are THE Special One, the ultimate Mistress/Goddess and i cannot believe or understand how i was considered as remotely worthy to serve You in the manor You have allowed!!! i can truly say, from the depths of my slave soul, that being Your toilet slave is more important to me than sex, comfort, or pleasure. You have no idea how deeply You have gained possession over me and my thoughts, dear Goddess. You are such a complex and wonderful combination... kind, thoughtful, dominate, supreme, harsh when necessary... a complete package who deserves the worship and adoration of those She allows in to Her world. i thank You with every ounce of my being for allowing me in to Your world!!! Who know, perhaps someday i may find myself in deeper Ownership and more dedicated service to You, Owned as a toilet object/property; perhaps not. No matter; every second i have been, and continue to be, allowed in Your world is an honor & privilege beyond words. However, as i move further along this journey, i find that my desire for total Ownership by You, especially the prospect of being a total and complete toilet slave property to You, dominates my thoughts, goals, and dreams.

Smoking, Weight, and Devotion to Maitresse

Quitting smoking sucks! i am trying to quit but am having only so so luck. i will do it though, because it's for Maitresse Kristian! She did not ask the slave to stop, but i have decided to do it for Her never the less. As a toilet, lung power is important. i need to expand my lung power to better serve my Supreme Goddess and the best way to do this is my getting off my biggest vice. i have never liked drugs. Sure, i tried a little weed when i was much younger but it wasn't my thing. Shoot, i even have trouble taking prescriptions. Muscle relaxers, pain killers, and even strong decongestants "screw" with me badly. i never ended up finishing them when prescribed for injuries or sickness by my Doctor. i'd end up flushing down the toilet (the conventional toilet) once i got well enough to withstand it. Thus, drugs have never held any interest for me at all. i don't understand the attraction to them. Alcohol has never been a problem either. i can drink a beer or a nice glass of wine and not think about it again for weeks or months. Smoking, on the other hand, is my Achilles Heel. i wished i never saw the first one! Or i wish someone would have made me eat the first one i ever saw. my goal is to be as good of a slave as possible and an outstanding toilet for Mistress. She truly is one of a kind and my devotion to Her immense. As such, i need to get off of the good for nothing things. i will become a much more proficient toilet i'm sure.

Next item on the agenda (after smoking) is to loose a bit of weight. i've always been a big guy. Heck, my shoulders got "stuck" while i was being born. But i am way to heavy now. Between the 2 things my abilities to serve as Maitresse Kristian's full toilet will surly increase. She is my motivation and She is my inspiration. She is everything i could ever hope to achieve and serving as Her fully functioning toilet my number one priority.

February Blessing

Luck upon all luck.. this humble slave received a great honor in seeing the Goddess Maitresse Kristian last week! Words cannot describe how thrilled i was to again see my beloved Owner. Her Goddess body offered the slave its true nourishment. However, the slave was very disappointed in the toilet bench's workings. The good news is that i have begun working on a new design. i think this third and final design will work very well and i sincerely hope it does. i never want to disappoint my Owner and She wants a longer term use slave bed. And more than anything, i want to be Her long term toilet. W/we looked in to using nose plugs to guarantee consumption though the first attempt was not extremely effective. i continue to believe that this is a good idea and hope to investigate it further. While laying bound to my bench i had several thoughts and they have dominated my thoughts ever since.

i have written about my considerations and thoughts regarding long term slavery, toilet service, chastity, and deeper Ownership. i am looking for employment closer to Maitresse Kristian so as to be able to serve Her more often and better. i've sent 3 resumes out with no response thus far. Of course, it is a tough economy but i have hope that i will locate employment that will put me much closer to Her.

If Maitresse Kristian would ever consider such an option, and if i can get closer to Her to make it feasible, i would offer Maitresse Kristian the slave. i have came to the ultimate conclusion that i am a slave... that i am a toilet. It would be the ultimate completion of this slave to be owned 24/7 by Her. To be, very much, Her property. A toilet that is used, kept, and thought little of during service. Perhaps for a day, perhaps for days. Perhaps my "home" would be a cage while in Her presence and not in service, perhaps not. Never the less, a truly "owned" slave. i would ask for very few limits... shared with Her other slaves to provide them pleasure if She so desired, punished (more about pain below) as She desires, and all authorizations for sexual release vested with Her. i would give any opportunity and authorization of slave pleasure to Her. i'm very sure i would become desperate for release but only She would have the power to allow it. Perhaps the slave would learn the ultimate truth that a toilets only real pleasure comes from serving its Mistress with the utmost perfection. i can say, with some hesitation but great conviction, my deepest desire, my most true longing, would be to be fully owned by Goddess. The reality would probably hit home hard but i would never the less want a contract that would guarantee compliance... to be molded and formed in to a perfect slave.

Maitresse has never applied any real physical pain to Her slave. i cannot help but wonder why? It's not that i'm a pain slut or anything like that... just curious. i feel that perhaps it would assist in the reinforcement of what the slave is. i would accept any punishment She would so choose as best i could. The idea scares the slave but could at the same time be highly effective.

Thank You again Goddess for Your visit to the slave. Thank You with all my being for gracing me with Your divine presence. You have become such an important part of the slave's life! i hope to serve You more often very soon!!

a slave's Longing

How much can a slave miss its Owner? That's a very good question and i sincerely hope not have to find out. What i can say is how much i've been missing my Mistress... the Supreme Goddess Kristian. i have not been of service to Maitresse since early January and i am missing Her greatly! Actually, "missing" Maitresse isn't anywhere close to an accurate description. There is an emptiness that has been persistent for several weeks. After becoming accustomed to being of service to Goddess, the long period of Her absence has left a hole in the slave! i have written a good deal in regards to longer term service and the conflicting emotions that would arise when i thought of expanded slavery. Having been not used as a toilet by Maitresse for so long, i can honestly now say that being a toilet slave has become a huge driving force in the purpose of my life during the time i have been blessed to know Goddess. i love my life; i love just about every part of my life from the hobbies i have to even not minding my work. However, being "property" to someone such as Maitresse Kristian, being an owned slave and specifically a full and total toilet to Her, provides me with my deepest sense of meaning. i could give myself to Her as Her completely objectified toilet, i think to the point of a "permeant" toilet at Her disposal. Short of that, i am open to any travel She desires to allow Her slave to be of service to Her more often.

i am worried that i am still struggling somewhat with totally submitting as a slave. i wonder if my needs...... the needs of serving Her.... are too pervasive. As a slave, Goddess's needs are far more important than mine. Does my self-pity and eternal longing to serve beneath Her mean that i am not submissive enough yet? i hope not! my longing is driven by the deep-seated need to be owned, used, and objectified by Her. i simply long to be used, to be a toilet as She, not i, would desire. my hopes and longing stops at the desire to be Her property; Her owned object to dispose of Her wastes. Exactly how and who uses the slave is not my concern. That is left to Maitresse. my desires stop at being allowed to enter service; permeant, long term, highly restricted, continued part time... whatever most pleases Her. i completely surrender service decisions to Goddess... my desire is to submit. Hopefully, my feelings are consistent with being a true slave.

On a secondary note... i would like to wish Maitresse a very happy and healthy Birthday! For privacy reasons, i will not and would not reveal what day or even the exact month Her Birthday is. i'll simply say Happy Birthday Goddess in the not too distant future.

i have about 50% of the next toilet slave story completed. This slave's plans are to have it completed and submitted for publication within a week or so. i hope that Maitresse likes it. i enjoy writing but enjoy writing stories that please Her the most. She is the slave's inspiration.

Return Home, Writings, Etc

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Continued Thoughts From 1/17 Post

i am drawn, more and more, to stories on line where the slave is kept as a permanent toilet; often "built" into part of the house where it serves as a 24/7 toilet for its Mistress and whomever else She decides to allow use it.

While i understand that these writings are works of fiction as no one could live a very long lifetime in 24/7/365 toilet slavery, to a slave such as i, the concept/idea is beautifully pure. The concept of such utterly complete submission, slavery, and objectification is highly intriguing to this toilet. How could a toilet and its Owner reach a level as close to "perfect objectification" as possible? Mistress seems to enjoy the concept of viewing me as only a toilet once bound in to a device. i can't help but surmise that She too would be interested in making service to Her as realistic as possible as well. i cannot help but believe that Mistress Kristian would enjoy owning and using a pure toilet. As i mentioned in my earlier posting, this concept has been on the slave's mind for some time, though compounded since it's chastity experience. This has been the journey of the slave since it began its contract slavery. Each idea feeds another so as to feed an even better idea of object toilet slavery for Mistress Kristian. i hope that my latest idea will prove to have finally "gotten it right".... toilet chain, toilet box, finally (i hope) wider toilet box with a "body lid". A few of these ideas were already posted in my last blog update & some i have not. i wanted to explore them each in a bit more detail. Hopefully this exploration will please Mistress Kristian as She reviews them. i am very sure, given Her superiority over the slave, Goddess will have many wonderful suggestions to add. my Goddess is so intelligent and creative. The slave always anticipates with great longing Her input.

Instead of making unrealistic alterations to a home (as in the works of fiction) the box idea came to mind; painted and looking very much a piece of furniture. i truly think that enclosing the slave's body inside a piece of furniture would help significantly to get the slave in the proper mind set for its service. It should serve to bring the reality of what it truly is (and its function) to the slave... it's only contact to the outside the round toilet seat opening when Mistress raises and lowers it to use the toilet. The lid should also, i would guess, better allow Mistress Kristian to look upon the toilet as a "thing" to be used as She alone desires. A box is an object and as such, the slave bound within becomes a part of that object.

The slave also explored the idea of "guaranteed consumption" in my earlier post. A large ring gag might do the trick but it would not allow for "chewing" if required. Perhaps, if guaranteed full consumption is desired by Goddess, the nose plug idea could work and still allow the slave the use of its mouth to "process". Mistress Kristian has thus far not provided any guidance in this area and (as in all things pertaining to my slavery to Her) the decision resides solely with Goddess as i am Her property.

There has been a good deal written in this blog on chastity since my punishment. While i truly do not wish to endure it for that length (or longer) again, as a slave i must admit its virtues. Longer term chastity certainly aids the slave to get in to the proper mindset (as i experienced first hand) and as such, is both a very useful punishment tool as well as a training aid to Mistress. i feel it would be a valuable tool for Mistress to use on Her toilet to prepare it for service, especially if the service was to be long term use. (If there are new followers to this blog, please reference December's entries in regards to the slave's conclusions of the punishments and virtues of long term chastity).

Speaking is usually, and i'm sure will continue to be, forbidden. However, once the reality of the toilet's situation and the plight endured, how to keep a toilet from speaking? Mental & verbal preparation of the toilet by Mistress would help but what about punishments? Given that the slave is enclosed in a box, immediate corporal punishment would be difficult for a speaking transgression. The slave's face would still be easily accessible so there may be potential options available there. Another option is something like a TENS unit with wires fed through the box via small holes and attached to the slave's genitals. Mistress, i do not believe, is particularly interested in electro-CBT but the idea bears mentioning for Her consideration. Frankly, the idea of electro-CBT scares the hell out of this slave!!! However, this very fact is why the slave mentions it here. i'm sure it would be a very effective speech/sound control device due in large part to this fear. This slave is sure that Mistress would have plenty of ideas & ways to punish Her slave for breaking this rule. A couch doesn't talk, a toilet doesn't talk, thus a toilet slave should not speak as well. The presence of impending punishment would also serve the slave well in its "encouragement" of serving others, should Mistress desire. As a follower of this blog knows, within a few limited confines, who Mistress allows to use Her toilet slave is vested solely with Her.

The one issue i cannot seem to get around is the disposal of the slave's own waste. i think i have a solution to the slave's #1 but #2 is very problematic for long term fully bound toilet service. Short of an "adult diaper" i cannot find a way around being released from time to time to properly relieve the slave's own waste. i'll keep researching but thus far the only ideas i've found come from the works of fiction i mentioned in the opening paragraph of this posting.

True, utter, and complete long term toilet slavery has become a pervasive desire of this slave. it longs for the full and total submission of being a "true" toilet. its deepest desires and dreams not realistic but the slave continues to strive to get as close to the point of being a fully objectified toilet kept for long term use and service. The slave truly hopes to reach the point of accepting Mistress's gifts without any thought from Her at all and so used for extended periods of time. Sure, my night time "dreams" consist of being a full time full toilet but in the real world this is not possible (i don't think). However, reaching that goal as closely as possible (i.e., longer term use toilet slave) is a beautiful journey. The thought of such deep and complete submission to Goddess Kristian, giving Her the gift of full and utter use of a total toilet slave as She and She alone see's fit, is a driving force for the slave. As a Dominate Goddess and Owner of toilets, i believe that Mistress Kristian would appreciate this gift greatly.

i miss You, dear Mistress Kristian and hope all is well with You!!!

Thoughts of Objectification

During O/our last meeting, Mistress Kristian and i discussed another revision to the toilet box/bench design. Hopefully the cold weather is finally breaking and it will now be possible to begin work on it. Basically it will be the same as the one i posted earlier only wider. This will hopefully allow for longer term use and more complete immobilizing bondage. The one "major" difference in this device and the others is most likely going to be the addition of a removable box to cover the slave's entire body. i envision a "lid" that can be set over the slave once it is bound on to its bench, removing the toilet slave's body from view. That way the only part of the slave that Mistress would see is its face; and only then for a brief period of time as the seat's lid is raised and lowered. Why remove the slave from Mistress view? It is this slave's hope that it will make it even easier for Her to totally objectify the slave as a "part" of the house.

Objectification has always been a key point of this slave's submissive nature and something it hopes to explore and reach as fully and perfectly as possible. However, since my chastity punishment several weeks ago, the thought of "perfect objectification" has been more and more of a driving factor in the slave's mind. i hope to reach the point that Mistress Kristian can use the toilet as She requires and desires without any regard of the toilet at all. She would do Her golden or brown as naturally as possible, without concern of Her toilet. i figure that the more the slave looks like a part of the house, the easier it would be for Her to truly view the slave within as nothing but a toilet. i often wonder about "guaranteed consumption". Should the toilet have its nose plugged or perhaps a large o-ring gag? i lean towards nose blockage as the best option but am curious. i am also curious about the length of time that a slave could subsist off of nothing but its Mistress's golden and brown. Days for sure but longer with a multi-vitamin??

i hope to find some answers to these questions. i have been doing some searching on line and hopefully the truth will also be revealed through continued service to Mistress Kristian. i dream, quite literally, of being nothing but an object for days at a time to Her. i hope that the latest design, once completed, will bring me closer to that goal.

A Complete Surprise!!

Mistress Kristian blessed Her toilet slave with a most unexpected text message and gift! i had given up hope of seeing Goddess for a while as She was unable to come up for the Holidays and given Her upcoming schedule requirements. Out of the "blue" the slave received a text yesterday afternoon informing it that She would be up here today and would allow the slave the privilege of serving Her!!! What a wonderful New Year's gift for the slave and most unexpected. The only "down side" (as if anything involved in serving Mistress Kristian could be that) was that W/we would need to meet up in Her home town which meant a hotel room. As such, the toilet bench would be left at home. i was disappointed for Mistress Kristian as She would not get to experience the full "Ownership" of the slave. Of course, this did not and does not matter to the slave because getting to see Mistress under ANY circumstances is just fine with the toilet. For this slave, there is never a "down side" in seeing Goddess. Hopefully, She still enjoyed the session as well.

It was a fairly short meeting as She was pressed for time but it was yet another wonderful and interesting session! It was, to say the least, a most unusual session based upon my prior service to Goddess. In regards to being Her toilet, She only used the slave for some brown and a little golden. However, joy upon all joy, Mistress Kristian allowed Her toilet to be Her toilet paper following Her brown!!!! i cannot describe the joy the slave takes in cleaning Mistress Kristian... it is such an utter and complete privilege that is not given all the time.

Most of the session was spent talking and catching up on things. It was absolutely wonderful and a better time spent in conversation the slave cannot remember! We discussed life in general, how sorry the slave was for upsetting Her last month (it was the first time i have been able to apologize to Mistress face to face), the toilet's punishment (including some of the dreams experienced during the chastity), the slave's blog postings, and some ideas of new services / toilet benches. Mistress Kristian is so very intelligent and such a beautiful conversationalist. i was only used briefly but at least it helped to keep the slave in practice for its next full use session. However, i don't think that i will ever forget this day!!!! i hope Mistress enjoyed discussing BDSM topics, life, and future plans close to as much as i did. i believe She noticed, but i was actually "giddy" when She first arrived with the thrill of just getting to see Goddess! In so many ways, in so many depths, Mistress Kristian is truly special. This gift given the slave today by Mistress... first surprising the slave with Her arrival and then allowing time for discussions... is so very precious to this slave. i love serving Mistress Kristian. i am privileged to be Her toilet, i am honored when She "objectifies" the slave as little more than a toilet during the sessions, but today was such an unexpected change of pace. Every time i see and serve Mistress Kristian is special but today is one of those rare moments as it was not anticipated! This slave is fortunate to have been chosen as one of Her toilets but is truly lucky to know such a rare and Divine creature as Goddess Kristian!!

Side note: Mistress, i know it wasn't much, but i do hope You liked Your Christmas presents (especially the main one). You seemed to like them and i do hope that You did! It was a true pleasure to give You something for the Holidays.

Thank You Mistress Kristian!!! Thank You for the surprise gift of Your presence! Thank You for allowing time for the slave to see and serve You! Thank You beloved Goddess !!!!!