Trying to Get Better... Tough Illness

It's been a rough couple weeks. The week before last was up in the Great Lakes again & starting to feel a "bug" coming on. By the time i got home, was pretty rough and finally went to the Dr on Monday. Turns out, been dealing with pneumonia... again. Had it about 2 years ago. After $$$ for Rx's, feeling much better. However, still have no wind or stamina and that is disappointing. Tried to work on the updated slave bed a little this weekend but just don't have the wind to do much of anything right now. i had so hoped to have it ready for the next service to Maitresse. i hope i am not too much of a disappointment to Her. i NEVER want to displease my Supreme Goddess... rather, exceeding Her expectations is always my goal. She is so very much to this slave... She makes this slave complete. Pleasing Her is my deepest pleasure. i hope i have not failed my Goddess too badly.

On a positive note, i have not been smoking. my post back at the beginning of the month i had tried but didn't make it but a couple days. Since i got sick, i have had much better luck. i want to do this for Her. Sure, getting off of the stupid things would be good for me but i know Maitresse hates smoke. i have never done it around Her. She has offered breaks where i would go in to my garage during a long session. However, i always felt so, well, small, when She did. Not because of anything She said or did but because i felt is somehow took away from the session for Her. She has not asked me to stop, at least as of yet. i feel that it would be a much greater gift to my beloved and divine Owner if i would offer this gift to Her without Her asking. As i mentioned, pleasing Her is always my #1 goal. In all honesty, i'm using a stop smoking aid but the idea is to use these to break the habit and then get off of them. So far, so good. No cigarettes since Monday... today will be 1 week. After that, as i wrote below, loose some weight. i don't think that both together is an attainable goal but one then the other should work.

Being Maitresse's toilet and being the best at it is my goal, need, and longing. i should hope for the day for long term Ownership. i should hope for the day i am used often and long and relegated to being an object, cuckhold, and anything else She desires. If i could, She would own me completely and totally and my life placed in Her hands (and contract). i continue to seek employment closer to Her though it has not gone well. i am, if nothing else though, persistent. It will happen. There are so many hobbies in life i enjoy... fishing, working outside, etc... but what i am and long to be someday if it ever works out is a toilet object owned by the ultimate Goddess & Owner... Maitresse Kristian.

Maitresse, i have not heard but i sincerely hope things are going ok (better). Please, if You should need anything, even just to talk, i am always available to You. You and Your happiness mean everything to me. If i can help with anything, just let me know!