Thoughts of Ownership

i haven't submitted an update this month as thus far i have not seen my beloved Maitresse. However, She will be having me serve Her and Her needs very soon according to correspondence. i truly cannot wait to see Her. Life is so much darker without Her and being Her toilet slave. The other reason i have not posted an update is that i feel guilty of the "i want", "my dream is", "i hope for" updates as they do not focus on Her except for my selfishly wishing to serve as Her toilet. But, on the other hand, being Her toilet slave is precious to me and serving Her my greatest honor. i cannot believe it has been 6 months since i last serve Her and then again, i very much can. It seems like 20 years and i have most definitely not been the same person.

i have somewhat beat around the bush and hinted but i have been wondering about lifestyle slavery to my Supreme Goddess. i have given it a lot of thought and while i do not know what She would desire, i can think of nothing greater than being a lifestyle slave to Maitresse Kristian. i would most assuredly give up all rights to and the privilege of any sort of self pleasure or pleasure given by others to Maitresse Kristian. i would rather live my life in total and complete sexual frustration and be Her toilet. i would desire to be a real life toilet slave to Her... a custom built toilet slave bench and box made by an actual craftsman my often home bound and most likely gagged with some sort of funnel or o-ring to ensure total consumption. i would imagine i could serve for several days at a time with a few days in between but i also wonder about being a toilet slave to Her somewhat 24/7. i would give up all pleasure associated with my sex for the honor and pleasure of being Her toilet. i would have to move near Her and that would be something i would enjoy doing for such an arrangement. i would imagine i would be branded/tattooed in some manor, registered on in a slave registry, and bound by a very restrictive contract that was iron-clad in my full willingness to become a bathroom fixture for Her. i have given a lot of thought and a walk-in closet would be much better than in the bathroom taking up room (unless it was an absolutely huge bathroom). i would guess i would spend most of my time in the dark and waiting for Her. The thoughts of Her Goddess private parts would drive me crazy with lust while bound and unable to pleasure at all to the mental images. The torment would be even worse if, as nothing but a slave and object, i were bound and forced to listen to Maitresse enjoy Herself with self gratification or another giving Her pleasure. How would i feel in the weeks, months, and maybe years to come spent suffering unending chastity and deprivation? Could i dispose of Her divine "brown" every single day even if supplemented by "regular" food? i'm not sure but what i do know is that i would take the chance, challenge, and opportunity! i would rather be a toilet slave to Maitresse than have a steady girlfriend or be married. i would find more fulfillment in being reduced to a "thing" to Her and taking Her pee, brown, snot, and what ever else She decided than some vanilla relationship. i am drawn to iron-clad contractual slavery to Her as an extension of Her home plumbing and though it probably will never happen, i often think of being Her 24/7 slave and frequent toilet slave.