Ready for Service

i always await my service to Mistress Kristian with great anticipation and never feel more "alive" than when bound as a human toilet. i feel great gratification to be looked upon as an object to dispose of Her divine wastes... alive when considered property to be used... senses completely on edge and in tune when bound to await my function... full of pride and privilege when everything is flushed with efficiency.

i am ready to serve....

A New (and Unexpected) Honor

Well, i'm not sure what to say exactly. It would appear that my slave relationship with Mistress is progressing to a whole new level. For my next service to Mistress, She has told me i am to serve as Her toilet slave for (2) 24 hour periods.... 2 full days!! This is a significant development in my slave training, service, and life!! Mistress is a wonderful Owner and is caring of Her slave. Given this significant progression, there will be a break in the 24 hour periods... Mistress is concerned to not "overwhelm" Her slave. Although i am Hers, She is such a caring and compassionate Mistress when it comes to Her slave's long term well-being.

i was truly in shock at Her revelation. Shocked and excited!! i had hoped to further progress in O/our D/s relationship and truly cannot believe She has such faith in Her slave to serve Her in such a manor. i am nervous of not living up to Her standards while at the same time determined to serve in a manor consistent with Her superiority. i want to please Mistress and be Her most perfect slave. i'm sure that for most of the time, She will not consider me as much more than a toilet and my heart beats faster, my breath more rapid, at the thought! i only hope i truly please Her!! Mostly though, i am truly honored. This is by far the greatest privilege Mistress has thus far bestowed upon Her slave and a dream i thought would never go fulfilled. Being a toilet for Mistress Kristian is difficult but such an honor! i think i'm probably rambling but i am actually having trouble putting all of my emotions in to words (not usually a problem). i guess i can sum it up as as excitement, fear, reluctance, anticipation, honor, and gratitude all rolled in to one. i know that i am a toilet slave and feel truly blessed to have found Mistress and been deemed worthy enough to be a contractual slave to Her. i honestly count the days until service. i will make sure to do what ever it takes to prove my worth to Mistress. To be Her ultimate toilet slave!

Thank You beloved Goddess !!!

slave m425

Toilet Bench / Bed

i thought i would post a pic or two of my current toilet bed on which i am bound to serve Mistress. A brief description of how i came to this design is under my profile. It has only been a couple weeks but already i am missing being of service to Mistress Kristian. Hopefully i will soon be in service to Her again.

Musings

Had an "interesting" dream last night. i have no doubt it was based, at least in part, in my deep-felt desire to serve Mistress although probably not truly "do-able". Mistress came to me and told me of Her desire to modify O/our contract. i was to be Her complete toilet slave. Mistress said that if i decided to accept, my life would change significantly. As a reward to the slave (and Herself), i would be used by Her anywhere from 2 to 8 or more days per month (full days, full toilet service... 18 to 24 hours per day). She told me i was being made in to a real life toilet to Her. However, for this privilege, i would give up any right of "release" without Mistress's permission. i would live my life in chastity. i would be given the opportunity for release in some form or fashion, but only with Mistress's approval and only when She released me from chastity. i would not be able to have a relationship with anyone, in such a state. Any release would be by my own "means" or at best, i'd have to pay someone for the privilege or maybe, just maybe, but not likely at all, She would provide a manual release to Her slave (though a painful price would have to be paid for such an honor). Such would be my lot... the honor of being Her total toilet would come with a heavy price indeed. Perhaps She would let me make Her feel good from time to time with my slave mouth, but again, given my status as a slave, chastity would be enforced. mine would be mostly a life of deep frustration with sporadic allowances of pleasure. She felt that i should take pleasure in my service to Her, not through my own body.


Back to reality.....

How did i ever get so lucky to find a Mistress such as my Goddess, Mistress Kristian. i sincerely feel a deep sense of privilege and honor and shear luck to have found such a wonderful Mistress to serve. She is everything a slave such as i could wish for. Unbelievable beauty on the outside, even more so with Her new breasts. As beautiful as She is on the outside, Mistress is 100 times more perfect on the inside. Her spirit, warm attitude, and stern affection of Her slave is beyond compare. Thank You so much, beloved Goddess, for choosing to put Your "collar" around me. Never did i think i would find someone such as Mistress Kristian. i honestly don't know what i have done to be so absolutely fortunate to have found and been chosen by You to serve You under contract. i ache to serve You... to please You, Mistress Kristian. The gifts You bestow Your slave from deep within You are my nourishment; my substance. Thank You from the bottom of my heart, Mistress Kristian, for choosing this unworthy slave!!

Saturday Service to Mistress

Yesterday was a wonderful day although it was also disappointing as well. my beloved Mistress Kristian came to use Her doting slave yesterday (me). It had been far too long since i was last allowed the honor of looking upon Her supreme being. Mistress is my Goddess, my Beloved, and my Owner. She is my past, present, and future. The past several weeks have, in fact, been pure torture for this slave, having been denied the honor and privilege of serving Her, being used by Her… just being in Her presence!! Looking upon Her as She made Her way in through my door, i can honestly say i felt my knees become weak. Kneeling at Her feet, as She sat in the chair chatting with this unworthy slave, made my heart race. There is no where else in the world, a more divine creation than Mistress Kristian!! Even more so now. Her breast surgery afforded Her the most perfect breasts imaginable. She is the personification of perfection… in body, mind, spirit, and soul. Last night, reflecting upon my service earlier in the day, i had to chuckle slightly. A thought kept coming to mind… a scene really. i was reminded of the stories and movies of old… Cheverly of the 20’s or 30’s i think. The scene often went something like this: A woman and her escort were in need of crossing the street, stepping off a curb or something. However, there would be a mud puddle in her way and if she would step in it, her shoes would be ruined. Her escort, a man usually as well dressed as she, volunteered to help out by putting his coat over the puddle, thereby keeping her shoes (and her entire appearance) intact. This scene kept popping in my head as i continued to dwell on my devotion to Mistress Kristian. But no, just laying my coat over the puddle would not do. For Mistress, to keep Her from soiling Her outfit, shoes, and feet, i would in fact lay myself over the puddle and thus create a “human bridge” for Her to walk on. Such is my devotion to Goddess. Sure, laying my coat would serve the purpose, but for Beloved Mistress, i would always go the extra mile. Why would i just lay my coat down when She could walk across me, Her human bridge, guaranteeing She would stay “high and dry”.

Mistress had decided to use me as Her toilet for a few hours Saturday… 3 or 4. i never know how long She will ultimately keep me. i am a slave and do not need to know such things. my function is to serve Her, for as long as She desires. As is the norm, Mistress bound me to my bench beneath the toilet chair and placed the Kali’s Teeth chastity device on my slave cock. If i get too hard, it will bite very cruelly. Honestly, i was very uncertain what the day would hold. Mistress had expressed some interest in punishing me today as well and i honestly figured i’d be feeling Her lash or some other means of discipline. i had not allowed myself any sort of release over the last couple days in preparation of Her visit. i will be purchasing a chastity device very soon for just such a purpose. Just Her touch... the brush of Her bare leg against my skin as She bound me, Her soft hand touching my member as She applied the device… coupled with my lack of release over a few days… caused Kali to start bitting hard. That bite would only get worse. Unfortunately, Mistress had a bit of diarrhea it seemed. She chose to not use me for the first bowel movement because of this… She was concerned that it would be too much and overflow i suppose. However, She also did not have me clean Her after She was done. Why?? What had i done to displease Her were my thoughts. Am i not worthy to clean Her after using the bathroom?? Would Mistress not rather use Her slave as Her “paper” rather than cold scratchy toilet paper?? i truly felt useless to Mistress as She turned out the light in the bathroom and left. If i’m not good enough to consume Her waste or at least clean Her afterwards, what good am i kept going through my mind. However, Mistress did come and sit a short time later… depositing more of Her brown. Some were solid and some liquid but i at least felt useful again!! Oh, and my did Kali bite this time!!!!!!! i have never become so arouse during my toilet service. i don’t know if it was the lack of use the first time, the fact i am getting much better at consuming brown with no issue, or the fact i had been longing to see Her for so long but whatever the reason, i tried to become harder than i had in a long time. And did it ever hurt !!! i even tried to will it to go down... no luck. i felt honored at receiving the pain though. Such should be my fate for Mistress. There should be a price to be paid if i receive pleasure… this time in the form of Kali pushing hard against my shaft with her sharp points as i felt the pleasure of becoming aroused.

This was the first time i can say i truly enjoyed the taste of my Mistress’s brown waste. i still had a little trouble once but overall no problem swallowing. i honestly did enjoy the taste of my Mistress’s brown gifts in a unique way. The taste had not changed; i think that it’s the slave that is changing. Mistress used me again and this time a very full amount was given Her slave! i felt more like Her toilet than ever before. Once, She filled my mouth with a large amount of solid mixed with some liquid brown… just like a real toilet and i was able to flush it very well. However, i think it concerned Her a little and She finished in the regular toilet. And again, She wiped Herself rather than use me… back to feeling very inadequate! It is such an honor to clean Her... i know She finds it enjoyable... and not being allowed to give Her this gift really screwed with my mind. Is Mistress not happy with me??? Mistress left me for a while, bound of course in the toilet chair, to get Her nails done. i really missed Her while She was gone. i constantly strained to hear Her return. It is very lonely… bound waiting on Her return... hoping She will come to see and use me when She returns… anything to see Goddess!! After who knows how long, it felt like an hour or more, She came back. But… Mistress did not use me at all. i felt so worthless again… does She not need to use Her toilet??? i found myself wishing She would come in and punish me if She didn’t need to use the bathroom. Anything to just be around Her rather than just laying in the semi-dark of the bathroom wishing for Her. i would have gladly accepted any pain She dished out… anything to have Her around me!! Anything to be of use to Her!!! Shortly thereafter, the session ended and i again took my place at Mistress’s feet. It was very strange to not receive any of Her golden wine during my service!! It was a first I’m sure but a byproduct of Her using a conventional toilet as well as me.

It was a very wonderful session on many fronts... lots of “mind f$#*ing” it seemed. Why was it also disappointing?? Mistress was, as She always is, WONDERFUL!!!! i was disappointed in my abilities, my usefulness, my function. Mistress felt that i would not be able to handle all of Her gifts given Her state. i was very disappointed in myself that my abilities did not place confidence in Her that i would serve well. i so deeply want to be Your perfect slave, Your perfect toilet, dear Mistress, just as You are already the perfect Owner. A perfect toilet slave for You so that You may deposit everything without regard and know it will be flushed. Please accept my deepest apologies Mistress for my failure as a toilet slave to You. You deserve perfection and i shall provide it with my utmost being. You are perfection… my ultimate Owner.You, in Your compassion, chose to not use Your slave for all of Your requirements. Thank You for Your compassion, Mistress Kristian!! You are such a wonderful Dominate! But please accept my apology for failing to be Your ultimate toilet!!!