Thoughts of Ownership

i haven't submitted an update this month as thus far i have not seen my beloved Maitresse. However, She will be having me serve Her and Her needs very soon according to correspondence. i truly cannot wait to see Her. Life is so much darker without Her and being Her toilet slave. The other reason i have not posted an update is that i feel guilty of the "i want", "my dream is", "i hope for" updates as they do not focus on Her except for my selfishly wishing to serve as Her toilet. But, on the other hand, being Her toilet slave is precious to me and serving Her my greatest honor. i cannot believe it has been 6 months since i last serve Her and then again, i very much can. It seems like 20 years and i have most definitely not been the same person.

i have somewhat beat around the bush and hinted but i have been wondering about lifestyle slavery to my Supreme Goddess. i have given it a lot of thought and while i do not know what She would desire, i can think of nothing greater than being a lifestyle slave to Maitresse Kristian. i would most assuredly give up all rights to and the privilege of any sort of self pleasure or pleasure given by others to Maitresse Kristian. i would rather live my life in total and complete sexual frustration and be Her toilet. i would desire to be a real life toilet slave to Her... a custom built toilet slave bench and box made by an actual craftsman my often home bound and most likely gagged with some sort of funnel or o-ring to ensure total consumption. i would imagine i could serve for several days at a time with a few days in between but i also wonder about being a toilet slave to Her somewhat 24/7. i would give up all pleasure associated with my sex for the honor and pleasure of being Her toilet. i would have to move near Her and that would be something i would enjoy doing for such an arrangement. i would imagine i would be branded/tattooed in some manor, registered on in a slave registry, and bound by a very restrictive contract that was iron-clad in my full willingness to become a bathroom fixture for Her. i have given a lot of thought and a walk-in closet would be much better than in the bathroom taking up room (unless it was an absolutely huge bathroom). i would guess i would spend most of my time in the dark and waiting for Her. The thoughts of Her Goddess private parts would drive me crazy with lust while bound and unable to pleasure at all to the mental images. The torment would be even worse if, as nothing but a slave and object, i were bound and forced to listen to Maitresse enjoy Herself with self gratification or another giving Her pleasure. How would i feel in the weeks, months, and maybe years to come spent suffering unending chastity and deprivation? Could i dispose of Her divine "brown" every single day even if supplemented by "regular" food? i'm not sure but what i do know is that i would take the chance, challenge, and opportunity! i would rather be a toilet slave to Maitresse than have a steady girlfriend or be married. i would find more fulfillment in being reduced to a "thing" to Her and taking Her pee, brown, snot, and what ever else She decided than some vanilla relationship. i am drawn to iron-clad contractual slavery to Her as an extension of Her home plumbing and though it probably will never happen, i often think of being Her 24/7 slave and frequent toilet slave.

1st August Update

It has been a long time since i have served Maitresse Kristian!! Way too long for a series of reasons... since before Easter. However, i still find myself longing for Her and dreaming of serving Her. i can say this with all truth....... i would rather be Maitresse Kristian's owned and controlled toilet slave than anything else! If for some reason i were given the choice to continue to be able to have as much sex with whomever and whenever i wanted... to make decisions of what i do for fun and when... or be Her owned and more or less full time toilet slave outside of work, etc and never be allowed to make any sexual decision again... perhaps never even masturbate again... i would choose to be Her toilet slave! i would choose to have my free time spent in a professionally built toilet slave bench locked away in a closet or bathroom in Her home. i would choose to give up any rights to sexual freedom; self gratification or with others. i would choose to be an object She owns and uses how She desires... to suffer boredom and frustration and loss of freedom of decisions for the one and only honor of consuming and disposing of Her pee, scat, spit, nails, and anything else She desires. i would choose to receive nothings for days at a time but the wastes Her Body offers.

W/we have talked about serving as a long-term toilet to Her (for a few days)... i so hope it happens. i want... i long.. to be treated, regarded, and know i am nothing but a thing to receive Her gifts. Though i may desire it once i begin the service, i sincerely ask for no reprieve or compassion... but to be an object... a slave with but one purpose that will be punished severely for failure. Gagged to accept all that is required. This is my hope for the near future and i pray i shall serve Maitresse again.

Dreams

Just some ramblings and thoughts..........


* i dream of being a lifestyle slave to Maitresse Kristian.
* i dream of being a long term toilet used for extended and for often recurring periods to Maitresse Kristian.
* i dream of an inescapable contract binding me to frequent toilet service to Maitresse.
* i dream of being bound on a professionally made custom toilet bench designed for long term use and locked away in a closet or bathroom modified for my presence.
* i dream of being locked away in the darkness behind closed doors... forgotten until Maitresse needs to use me... with nothing but boredom and straining to hear Maitresse coming to occupy my time.
* i dream of a toilet bench with a custom funnel that all golden and brown materials may be deposited in to....... of having no choice what-so-ever except to dispose of any wastes Maitresse Kristian chooses.
* i dream of utter sexual frustration to focus my slave mind on the service of Maitresse.
* i dream of reaching a point of being willing to do anything for a "release" and striving to please Maitresse... only to ensure my continued frustration through Her pleasure with the dedicated service shown to Her in my hopes of gaining the privilege of a "release"...
* i dream of living off of nothing but the golden and brown wastes of Maitresse, along with anything else She decides to "flush"... Her nail clippings, ear and nose "stuff", phlegm, and the like.. during each extended period.
* i dream of being "shown off" by Maitresse to Her Domme friends and being loaned, rented, or shared by Her enhance Her status among slave Owners.
* i dream of being turned in to a level of toilet slave usually only found in the world of fiction writing.
* i dream of being a real and total toilet slave without a safe-word, reprieve, or choice of how i am used.
* i dream of "hitting" the lottery so that i would be able to not work and thus my finance my long term slavery to Her.
* i dream of becoming Her complete and ultimate toilet.
* i dream of Maitresse Kristian.

Torment of Chastity

i am so aroused that i almost can't stand it. i have been in chastity since Wednesday (it is Saturday) as part of my instructions for prep to service Goddess Kristian. i am to be Her toilet today and the waiting and anticipation are driving me mad. i wish i were allowed to relieve myself while waiting. The combination of lack of release, pent up longing from my period without being in service to Her, and the anticipation of Her arrival have combined to have me in a state of desperation for release. i do not know if i will be allowed to pleasure myself after She is gone. It would be torture to not.

i have written about my dreams of being Her toilet for days and days. However, i wonder how bad it would be if i were in chastity for weeks leading up to it and then during the long term service? i have a feeling the desperation would be maddening; and when combined with living off of nothing but Her Goddess wastes for several days in a row would be a most severe slave test.

i hope She arrives soon!!!!!!

Updated Thoughts... Still Hoping for Service to Goddess

It's amazing really, how much i have come to miss being a toilet slave. It has been over 2 months since my last use and i have come to long to be bound, objectified, and used. i especially miss Maitresse's use. i truly in my heart of hearts love to serve Her. She is my ultimate Goddess and i miss being under Her so. i suppose, as much as i miss being a toilet, i could visit a Pro Domme... O/out contract was not mutually exclusive. The reality is, however, that i want to serve no other Goddess than Maitresse with the exception of those She would ever designate, as this would still be serving Her. i have served no other Goddess since the signing of the contract. Maitresse is my Goddess, my Mistress, and my slave Owner as long as She keeps me. The trouble is, i wonder if She still plans to keep me. W/we texted a few times but it has been a long time since i have received an email, etc from Her. Only short texts that "things are fine", etc. Words cannot describe how empty i feel without having been under my Goddess. i have an utter devotion to Her. There is greater one on this earth than Goddess Kristian.

i think all the time about the "hotel idea" i have written about. More than at my home, i feel like She could truly turn me in to what i am in such a place... an absolute, total object to consume what She gives. i love the idea of Her being able to come and go and enjoy Herself and only view me as Her bathroom. If She would so like, even for a few days... i would get nothing but Her wastes. i often fantasize of being Her toilet forever. This is not realistic but being Her toilet for a few days... what an honor for this slave and hopefully what a sense of power for Maitresse!! Having someone / something locked away whose only purpose to You would be to take care of waste disposals would have to be very empowering to a Domme, i would imagine. No sexual gratification, no self release, and no release from service until the time was complete... only a thing to flush golden, brown, nose, and other wastes. It would be a dream come true !!

i just hope that Maitresse still has a use for me. Having gone 2 months without being of service to Her i am very concerned! Scared actually... that She is loosing interest in Her slave.

Hopes & Thoughts

It's amazing how much a slave can come to miss its Owner. Words cannot describe the "emptiness" i have felt in not serving Maitresse during my absence of use. i miss speaking with Her, catching up on what has been happening in Her life, and in general how Her world has been going. i miss greatly the contact with Her; just knowing that i am still allowed in Her presence. However, i also truly miss Her objectification of me and being made to feel as a functioning toilet for Her use!!! It's amazing, actually, how i come to long and yearn for Her use as time goes by between services. i become consumed with the thoughts and desires, in fact needs, to become Her vessel to dispose of Her most Supreme Goddess essences all the while regarded as a piece of furniture She owns.

Lately, the idea of being Her slave locked in a hotel and used as She needs is all-consuming (pardon the pun). Goddess Kristian seems to truly enjoy "object slavery" and i can envision such a session as turning Her devoted slave in to nothing more to Her during the session than a toilet She comes to use with little regard. i sincerely hope for harsh and demanding use... no room for failure and no sympathy for what must be disposed of. i can think of no greater honor than to be kept away in such service for a day or two and consuming nothing but the waste products my Goddess Maitresse Kristian deposits. i want Her to own me as Her toilet; fully, completely, and totally for however long She would choose to keep me. i truly desire to serve Her in such a way that She does not worry about my consumption... it would be "guaranteed". This has been somewhat resolved through my purchase of a funnel gag. It will serve very well for Her golden though a slight modification is required. The straps are to short to buckle around my head but that is easily fixed. Total guarantees of full brown disposal are a little more difficult. i am considering a large diameter o-ring gag. This should ensure that She can use Her toilet with no worries. i want, more than anything, for Maitresse to be able to use Her toilet without regard or compassion... to be used in as "natural" fashion as She possibly can.

i don't know if this post has adequately conveyed the depth of this slave's desire to be objectified as a toilet to Maitresse Kristian. i suppose all i actually need to say is that i hope i have come up with some new options for Her to turn this slave in to as much of a toilet, and thus as much of an "object", as She would desire.

i hope that the Royal Maitresse Kristian blesses Her devoted slave with a response, and call to service, soon. i cannot describe how i yearn to take my rightful place, quite literally, under Her.

New Idea For toilet slave Use

i have not been able to serve Maitresse as of yet but i so long to be beneath Her. She was up this way but W/we could not meet at the time because of an infection i had. She had mentioned that perhaps W/we would meet this weekend for service to Her.

i had a new idea that Maitresse seemed to be interested in. First though, i have purchased a new funnel gag that will guarantee that the toilet will consume all of Her golden and She can pee as much as She needs to without stopping, etc for the slave to catch up. i think this will be a wonderful addition and look forward to experiencing it's use. my humble idea posed to Goddess was to get a hotel room close to where ever She was (or She use the room i would get to stay in). She could then come and go as She pleased, stopping in to use the toilet as She needed. i would only be of use to Her as as Her bathroom and then She could leave me again, bound and gagged.

To be honest, such a scenario is even more interesting to this humble toilet for an extended period (a few days). i worship Goddess Kristian. Being Her toilet completes me and Her body nourishes me. Being locked away (such as the hotel idea) for several days as a used and left toilet object living off of nothing but Her Royal golden and brown would be an ultimate dream (or close to it..... my ultimate dream involves continuous use as Her toilet and chastity slave for VERY long time). i hope i am given the gift of serving my Ultimate and Supreme Goddess. i need, in the depths of my bones, to feel Her indifference and objectification as She deposits Her Supreme wastes in to Her toilet.