Travels / Continued Disappoint With myself / & Gratitude

i hate traveling sometimes!! i had to go to upstate NY and Canada for work last week and i always come back with a "bug". This time its a chest cold that i can't seem to kick. Nice yucky stuff being coughed up (often)!! Not sure if its the plane rides or just the change in climate but it never seems to fail to mess with my nose and chest when i go up north.

i await Mistress Kristian's discipline instructions in order to atone for my mistakes. As per Her instructions, i purchased a chastity device and i believe that this will be a factor in my punishment. i still feel incredibly disappointed in myself as a sub/slave for upsetting Mistress Kristian!! i have, from Day 1, strove to be one of Her most valued slaves and i let both Her and myself down. For this, i am truly sorry and await my means of redemption. The simple fact that i upset Goddess is punishment enough for this slave. Some say that verbal discipline can be more harsh than physical and, for me at least, i think it is true. i require of myself the best possible effort and Mistress Kristian's "words" of rebuke hurt just as a lash would; cut just as surly as a blade. i truly love to serve as Mistress Kristian's toilet slave! It has been one of the deepest experiences of my life. i am honored to receive Her wastes (especially Her brown deposits) and consume Her wastes in to my body. Some people may think of it as a "sexual fantasy" and for some, it is. For me, though, it is much deeper than that with Mistress Kristian. It is more of a deep feeling of service and the worship of a true Goddess. Sure, at times there is a bit of a sexual arousal during my service. This is why i wear my Kali's Teeth chastity device (uploaded in November for anyone who doesn't know what it is) during my toilet service. However, often i do not begin to get hard. The service i am performing for Her is much deeper and gratifying than a simple "sexual charge". i would be just as happy, just as fulfilled, through the my service session with my pants kept on! If i should get "excited" though, i am happy that i am bound, most likely with the Kali's on, and unable to "pleasure" with myself. i should not receive a sexual reward! my reward, as it would be for any TRUE toilet slave (not just a toilet games player), is the intimate and useful service i am providing to Mistress Kristian by giving Her a slave to deposit Her waste in to rather than a conventional commode. She deserves to sit and use a slave. She deserves to have the superiority over Her slaves to use them for one of the most submissive of acts in the BDSM scene. She deserves to have Her waste worshiped and consumed by Her slaves. Goddess Kristian deserves the use of toilet slaves!!! It is my deep honor and privilege to provide Her with a toilet slave to use.

my shoulder, which the reader may recall as one of the contributing factors to my failing Mistress, is still not 100% but getting better. i've got an appointment with a GP physician (can't see the orthopedic guy without a referral). i think its fine, at least for the short term. However, in speaking with some other people, they thought it might not be a bad idea to see a Dr and get the ball rolling. Perhaps a little physical therapy will be required but if it helps to post post shoulder surgery for many more years its worth it!! i know someone who just let things go and what could have been fixed with a little PT became a real pain in the ass shoulder surgery later in life. i guess i shouldn't be so stubborn but i hate going to the Doctor. Always have. Part of me thinks i should be tough enough to not need them and just deal with it. We'll see what he says i guess. May be nothing but a little time to heal up and a few exercises.