slave's Punishment - pt 3 of 3

Well, the punishment period ended and thus my requirement of chastity as ordered by Mistress Kristian. It was difficult and very frustrating! However, i ended up going a "extra" day due to the state of mind that the enforced chastity induced. In the end, as i knew i would, i was weak and succumbed to my urges (during the re-reading of one of my favorite toilet slave stories). i have mixed feelings about the experience but Mistress has said that all is well again and the slave has made up for its failures. Thank You Mistress Kristian and again, please accept my apologies for disappointing You!!!

Why do i have mixed feelings? In terms of punishment, chastity is effective for sure. Especially for a slave such as i who ends up pleasuring itself to various internet stimuli often. However, it was not all "punishment" as it awakened feelings and led to further slave-awareness. i'm not sure this was the intention of Mistress's instructions, although it very well could have been given Her superior intelligence. i have written about the state of mind or "attitude adjustment" experienced as the slave progressed through its chastity in the other punishment postings. However, some points may bear repeating. i truly can see why many Mistresses feel that prolonged chastity on their male slaves is effective at slave control and torment. i "enjoyed" (probably not the correct word... more like "took pride" in) the feeling of my utter desire to serve Mistress Kristian during my discipline. Had She been available, i would have been completely desperate to serve Her. i really cannot fully describe my state of mind other than to say i was completely preoccupied with thoughts of receiving Mistress Kristian's wastes and being Her slave (toilet or any other way She saw fit to use me)!!! Well, not completely as total sexual frustration was always present, especially during my thoughts of toilet service! This, i believe, is the paradox of chastity and why Mistresses feel it effective in controlling slaves. The slave is desperate for a release and believes that the only way it would be allowed to experience it is through devoted service to its Goddess. However, as Goddess see's how compliant the slave becomes, due in part to its frustration and hope of release through good service, its Goddess decides to keep the slave in its compliant and devoted state. As such, a cycle of torment for the slave may begin. Devoted service to hopefully obtain release and kept in chastity in order to remain a devoted slave. On one hand, i feel for the slave in such a predicament and on the other, envy of the slave to be so owned by its Mistress. As a side thought to the subject of prolonged chastity, although i've never been a "cuckhold", i can see how this would be a truly effective means for a Goddess to "mentally" torture and physically torment Her slave (in prolonged chastity) as well.

As the follower of this blog probably already knows, Mistress Kristian owns the right to share me with as many of Her Goddess friends as She would like (separately, in a group, or at a Mistress party/gathering). Thus far, She has not exercised this right. The thought of being forced to be a toilet to several Women is frightening and exciting. However, i honestly don't know if i could go though it without being properly prepared. i truly think that a period of chastity would be in order to be properly prepared for such a service to Goddess Kristian (although i also hope to not have to endure such preparation and simply "put" in to such service if She should ever exercise Her right to "loan" the slave).

i am also very hesitant to reveal the following thoughts. However the slave promised Mistress Kristian, when it entered the Contract, to be open and honest in this blog about its feelings, thoughts, and emotions. i am extremely hesitant to write this because it could, possibly, come true one day. While the thought of even deeper and more dedicated service to Mistress Kristian (especially as an "objectified" toilet) is thrilling; i also believe i would come to "regret" the revelation below. After evaluating present circumstances, however, (given the current distance between Mistress & slave and Mistress's other commitments) the slave is fairly certain that it is relatively safe in revealing its thoughts. i have used the time since my punishment to reflect on my emotions, thoughts, and feelings experience both during my discipline and post-punishment. i believe that total enforced chastity on a slave provides a Mistress with full control and a greater depth of Ownership of the toilet. As such, i can conceive of this slave eventually giving up all rights and decisions regarding its sexual release (and thus enforced chastity) to its Mistress in order to gain acceptance as a frequently used full toilet! In my submissive/slave mind, i can see me giving all control of when/if i am allowed any form of sexual release in exchange for being a frequently used ("steady use") toilet... bringing Ownership and control of not only my toilet opening but my genitals as well, to Mistress Kristian. The thought is both thrilling and scary. i'm sure, if such a scenario would ever happen, i would soon come to "regret" my decision. i can foresee the circle of torment described above (dedicated service, hope for gratification, denial by Goddess to remain fully compliant, dedicated service, hope, etc) transpiring for real. This slave, i'm sure, would soon become desperate for self-release and regret ever typing these words. On the other hand, the slave would be so dedicated to Mistress Kristian and the honor of being Her toilet, i'm sure it would continue to endure. As i said earlier, the thought of such a depth of Ownership thrilling and utterly scary at the same time!!! Mistress would then not only own me as a full consumption frequent use toilet but the slave's ability to experience "physical pleasure" as well. Fortunately, given the distance and current circumstances, i feel relatively safe in the fact that this possibility will stay safely in my "masturbatory fantasies". The reality of such a situation would, no doubt, be very different than that which resides in my slave/submissive mind.



On a different note, i wish Mistress Kristian a very Happy and Healthy New Year! i hope that 2010 brings You much joy and happiness. The slave longs to see and serve You, Dear Goddess, very soon. The slave thinks and dreams often of taking its rightful place beneath You and to feel the honor of Your Ownership! Being Your toilet, Mistress Kristian, is a heartfelt honor and submitting to Your disposal requirements, a true privilege. i can only hope that soon Mistress Kristian will again have the time available to own and use this toilet as it should be used... an object to dispose of, and be nourished by, Your most Divine wastes.

Thank You for 2009, Mistress Kristian. i sincerely and with all of my being look forward to serving You in 2010.

Holiday Wishes

Mistress Kristian,

i most humbly and respectfully wish You a wonderful Christmas Holiday season !!! It is my deepest hope that Your Christmas gatherings are filled with the joy of family and friends. May the coming New Year bring You greater happiness than ever before. i wish You safe travels to all Your Holiday destinations, wherever they may be.

i long to serve You, Mistress Kristian, and serve You well. my Holiday wish is to serve beneath You for many seasons to come in a manor that brings pleasure to Mistress Kristian and honor to the slave. i sincerely hope to see You before the New Year so that i may take my place beneath You to receive the gifts that You provide your slave. The time spent away from service; difficult. The rewards of service to You; great. If the slave is lucky, Mistress will have time for it next week. The slave yearns to please You with its service, continue to grow in its role, and dreams of the next meeting.

Thank You, Mistress Kristian, for taking me under Your “wing” and accepting me as a bathroom slave. i hope beyond hope to serve You before the New Year !


Merry Christmas & a Most Happy New Year !!!!!!!!!

Modified Photos... slave Bench

Mistress was not particularly impressed with my initial postings of the new toilet bench. She thought that it should have shown more of the slave rather than all of the slave being blacked out. As per Her instructions, i am uploading modified photos of the slave bound for service to Mistress Kristian at O/our last session. Hopefully, there will be additional sessions/services coming in the near future! i am missing Goddess terribly. i count the days until i am again in my proper place beneath Her!!

slave's Punishment - pt 2

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slave's Punishment - pt 1

Mistress Kristian advised of my punishment on Monday. i purchased a chastity device from stockroom and my punishment was to be in chastity from Monday until Sunday. Unfortunately, the device i bought was basically crap. It would either not stay secure or if it did, turned in to a testicular crusher. For the money i spent, it was very disappointing. i am in the process of looking at others and will do some research on a BDSM lifestyle site or two.

However, in an effort to please Mistress, i "enforced" chastity upon myself this week without the aid of a chastity device..... but it is certainly not the same. In some ways, it's better (maybe) and in some, not nearly as effective.

First, let me say that this is the longest i've ever gone without at least some manual "release". Usually, it's no more than a a couple days. In that regard, it has been "interesting". Unfortunately, i can't control having or not having an erection. So, my "enforced" chastity still allows for me to become aroused. This is the down side. The positive, in terms of punishment, is that i am frustrated. i don't know if frustrated is a strong enough word. Not sure if their is a word strong enough. Utterly and fully frustrated may be better, but even that does not do it justice. The nights are the worst but the days are difficult too. i find myself daydreaming at work about Mistress and the services i love to provide Her and the arousal starts. A good "waft of air" can cause arousal. i can't wait for my release. But then again, in this state, i am so much more in tune to the gratification of Mistress and being Her toilet.

It's hard to explain, but the longer i go, the more i am in utter need of being under Her. At night, i dream and dream a lot. i dream of things experienced at the hands of Mistress Kristian and those not yet experienced... of services not yet required by Mistress. i find dreams of being a "public" toilet to Mistress and Her friends to be a recurring dream. There are others as well. Of being a foot slave to Mistress and perhaps Her friends (passes from one to the other, to worship all feet in all states of scents).... once even dreaming i was to "service" another of Her slaves after its own chastity (and i do not think i'm bi and have never serviced another's "manhood"). The common thread though is the fact that i awake with an erection. An erection i cannot allow myself to do anything about because of my commitment to Mistress Kristian and Her instructions (today, my testicules began to physically ache... i'm sure a condition that is basically "blue balls" from my lack of release and ease & duration of arousal). At least if i were in actual chastity device, i would not become physically excited. Yes, i'm sure the mental would still be there but the physical would be hindered. Maybe that would make it easier. Maybe harder. Who knows. Right now i am at least experiencing a small amount of pleasure through my arousal so perhaps a device would be more difficult. Somehow, i'm sure i will find out!

2ed Attempt at a toilet slave Box

i thought i would submit an update to outline my second attempt at a toilet slave bench. i think i'm close to a final design as this one worked fairly well. Given that i am a pretty wide person in the shoulders, i'm going to really need to go wider on the bench and probably the box. This may cause some additional issues, as my bathroom is only "so wide". However, i'm hoping that around 4 more inches will suffice.

The first pic is the box and plywood bench itself. The next 2 are from my last service session to Mistress Kristian. i think that overall She was happy with Her slave's efforts, though "tweaks" are still needed. Most of the light is cut out once Mistress closes Her slave in to the box, though some still comes in from the back of the box. However, Mistress is able to shut the lid and really treat Her slave as a toilet... much more so than the chair i uploaded down below. Overall, Mistress seemed pleased with Her slave's efforts, which in turn made the slave extremely happy!!! Pleasing Mistress Kristian truly pleases the slave! The best part of this journey is the efforts to become, as closely as possible, a true toilet slave to Mistress... learning new ways to be objectified by Her as an object to be used.... the goal of which is to become Her perfect toilet! i have learned a great deal thus far... of myself, my Goddess, and of the design of BDSM equipment. i am truly blessed to be in the service of the Supreme Goddess, Mistress Kristian!!!

Travels / Continued Disappoint With myself / & Gratitude

i hate traveling sometimes!! i had to go to upstate NY and Canada for work last week and i always come back with a "bug". This time its a chest cold that i can't seem to kick. Nice yucky stuff being coughed up (often)!! Not sure if its the plane rides or just the change in climate but it never seems to fail to mess with my nose and chest when i go up north.

i await Mistress Kristian's discipline instructions in order to atone for my mistakes. As per Her instructions, i purchased a chastity device and i believe that this will be a factor in my punishment. i still feel incredibly disappointed in myself as a sub/slave for upsetting Mistress Kristian!! i have, from Day 1, strove to be one of Her most valued slaves and i let both Her and myself down. For this, i am truly sorry and await my means of redemption. The simple fact that i upset Goddess is punishment enough for this slave. Some say that verbal discipline can be more harsh than physical and, for me at least, i think it is true. i require of myself the best possible effort and Mistress Kristian's "words" of rebuke hurt just as a lash would; cut just as surly as a blade. i truly love to serve as Mistress Kristian's toilet slave! It has been one of the deepest experiences of my life. i am honored to receive Her wastes (especially Her brown deposits) and consume Her wastes in to my body. Some people may think of it as a "sexual fantasy" and for some, it is. For me, though, it is much deeper than that with Mistress Kristian. It is more of a deep feeling of service and the worship of a true Goddess. Sure, at times there is a bit of a sexual arousal during my service. This is why i wear my Kali's Teeth chastity device (uploaded in November for anyone who doesn't know what it is) during my toilet service. However, often i do not begin to get hard. The service i am performing for Her is much deeper and gratifying than a simple "sexual charge". i would be just as happy, just as fulfilled, through the my service session with my pants kept on! If i should get "excited" though, i am happy that i am bound, most likely with the Kali's on, and unable to "pleasure" with myself. i should not receive a sexual reward! my reward, as it would be for any TRUE toilet slave (not just a toilet games player), is the intimate and useful service i am providing to Mistress Kristian by giving Her a slave to deposit Her waste in to rather than a conventional commode. She deserves to sit and use a slave. She deserves to have the superiority over Her slaves to use them for one of the most submissive of acts in the BDSM scene. She deserves to have Her waste worshiped and consumed by Her slaves. Goddess Kristian deserves the use of toilet slaves!!! It is my deep honor and privilege to provide Her with a toilet slave to use.

my shoulder, which the reader may recall as one of the contributing factors to my failing Mistress, is still not 100% but getting better. i've got an appointment with a GP physician (can't see the orthopedic guy without a referral). i think its fine, at least for the short term. However, in speaking with some other people, they thought it might not be a bad idea to see a Dr and get the ball rolling. Perhaps a little physical therapy will be required but if it helps to post post shoulder surgery for many more years its worth it!! i know someone who just let things go and what could have been fixed with a little PT became a real pain in the ass shoulder surgery later in life. i guess i shouldn't be so stubborn but i hate going to the Doctor. Always have. Part of me thinks i should be tough enough to not need them and just deal with it. We'll see what he says i guess. May be nothing but a little time to heal up and a few exercises.

11/22 & 11/23 Service: Post 2 of 2

i was going to make part 2 of the post thoughts and commentary on the session itself. However, it seems i really screwed up and Mistress is quite pisses at Her slave. Fortunately, there will be some discipline forthcoming (i will be told the exact nature tonight) and thus the slave will have an opportunity to make amends.

i made 3 dumb moves, well, 2 moves and 1 physical issue. Mistress had said, before She went to sleep, that She would be up around 9 or 10. At 10:30, this stupid slave entered Her room and respectfully awoke Her to see if She overslept. As i said, a stupid move!! The slave thought it was doing right at the time but now understands how stupid it was. The slave compounded the issue by entering the bathroom after She finished Her shower and left, not thinking that She would need to return for additional requirements (make-up, etc). After entering the bathroom, the slave took its place in its slave bed which has angered Mistress greatly. She would have much preferred to be alone. Again, not smart on the slave's part. i offer no excuses or explanation. Mistress is upset with Her slave's actions and the slave does not wish to anger Her more by offering its thoughts. The slave's thoughts (or even motivation) are not important. What is important is that Mistress is upset with Her slave. The last issue that upset Mistress was the slave verbally moaning & moving around too much in its slave bench toilet chair. Again, i offer no excuse. The situation was created by the slave entering the toilet bench on its own (without the help of Mistress Kristian) which put a significant pressure point on the shoulder of the slave (which was re-injured in a fall a few weeks ago). Again, the slave is totally at fault for moving around too much trying to find a better spot that did not cause shoulder pain. The slave should have not entered the bench itself (without the extra assistance afforded by Mistress). The slave also should have used its "Yellow" safe-word rather than fidget about. At least then the slave would have been given permission to speak and let Mistress Kristian know of the situation. It was stupid on the slave's part to have not done so.

The session itself was an honor as always. The bright spot for the slave was being able to flush a larger than usual amount of "brown". The slave had trouble with Mistress's "golden" last night, which is again unacceptable!!! All must be flushed without delay. For some reason, the slave did better with the brown than golden.

This slave offers its deepest and most sincere apologies to Mistress Kristian for angering Her. The slave awaits its punishment to offer amends to Mistress Kristian and to further prove itself to Her. Even more than a whip or a slap, Mistress's words of displeasure to the slave was amazingly effective. For a slave such as i, who truly takes pride, honor, and meaning in pleasing its Contract Owner, strong words of displeasure cut just as a knife would. i am deeply, truly, and whole-heartedly sorry for my stupidity, Mistress Kristian. The only comment the slave will make is that all it did it did in good faith in an effort to try and please Mistress Kristian. The effect was not as expected and therefore, unacceptable. Good intentions or good faith mistakes are still screw-ups and thus unacceptable for the slave's service. The end result is the most important and the end result was a series of screw-ups by the slave.

Please forgive me Mistress!!!! i will learn and grow from my mistakes!

11/22 & 11/23 Service - Post 1 of 2

This will be a 2 part post to the blog.

First off, as the reader may know from postings below, it has been a little while since my last service to Mistress Kristian. This weekend was a true blessing! i was able to serve Mistress as Her toilet Sunday night and Monday morning. The wait was well worth it... seeing my Beloved Goddess always is!!! Part 1 of the post is for discussion of my "chastity" before seeing Mistress. i was placed in "chastity" beginning Friday morning first thing. Now, "chastity" is in quotes as i was not wearing a long term device but was forbidden to obtain any self pleasure. At times, i did use my chastity device that Mistress enjoys imposing on me during my toilet service... a Kali's Teeth. This is not able to be worn in day to day living but is amazingly effective during service. Kali has a heck of a bite.

The though of serving Mistress... being under the most Devine bottom i have ever been privileged to serve, was almost too much for me to bear. Many times, thinking of seeing Goddess & being the vessel of Her waste disposal, i nearly lost control of myself. Someone may be wondering how She would even know if i did. She would know!! If Goddess asked, She would know because i cannot lie to such a Divine creature as Mistress Kristian. i would have had to have told Her and suffer Her disappointment. And, for that matter, i would know. Thankfully though, i never lost my self control. The momentary pleasure was no where near worth failing Mistress. Disappointing Mistress Kristian hurts more than any lash could!

By the time Mistress arrived, i was in a fairly "difficult" state. She did not instruct Her slave to worship Her feet while W/we caught up on things (thank goodness). In my state, with Her Goddess feet, would have proved to be a very "stressful" task. Once in service, She used the Kali on me as usual except for a period this morning. The ironic part was the only time i didn't try to get aroused in service was when i was not wearing the device. i found (and still do) find that fact to be thought provoking. i don't know if subconsciously i knew i'd get in trouble if i did or if my mind had too much respect for Mistress to potentially disrespect Her in such a way (i have no idea how She would react to such an occurrence). i will continue to reflect on the result and perhaps come up with a better conclusion. Once Kali was on, especially during my use, i again tried to get aroused. Of course, then "she" bit as Kali always will.

For those who do not know what a Kali's Teeth chastity device is, please see below......

11/16 Update

As part of my contract to Mistress Kristian, i am to do at least 2 updates per month.

i am sorry to report that thus far this month, i have nothing new to report in regards to my service to Her. i have not seen or served Mistress since Oct 4th. As such, i suppose the only update i have is one of disappointment in not being able to serve since. i have, to my knowledge, done everything asked of me by Mistress. i hope i have not upset Her. i am to report on emotions though, which was one of Mistress Kristian's instructions prior to entering this year long contract. my emotion right now is one of disappointment (at not being able to serve Mistress Kristian for so long) and borderline depression (i miss Her so). Hopefully She is just very busy and W/we will make up for lost time. Prior to the contract, Mistress & i seemed to be getting very close. Each time we saw each other the D/s relationship seemed to be deepening. i still adore Mistress Kristian as much as ever but at times i cannot help but wonder if She is not as interested in me as a slave as She once was. i really hope this is not the case. i truly thought that Mistress would take more of an interest in Her slave and that W/we would explore greater depths of toilet service but for some reason, it seems to be the opposite, at least in the short term. Like i said above, hopefully She is just busy with moving in to a new place and this is a small glitch that will be resolved soon. i'm sure if i could be used by Her for a longer period of time i would feel better. i just miss Her so much.

The only other update i have is that i finished my second design of a toilet slave bed & box. i think this will work very well when i do finally get to see Mistress. i'll post pics soon on another update.

Ready for Service

i always await my service to Mistress Kristian with great anticipation and never feel more "alive" than when bound as a human toilet. i feel great gratification to be looked upon as an object to dispose of Her divine wastes... alive when considered property to be used... senses completely on edge and in tune when bound to await my function... full of pride and privilege when everything is flushed with efficiency.

i am ready to serve....

A New (and Unexpected) Honor

Well, i'm not sure what to say exactly. It would appear that my slave relationship with Mistress is progressing to a whole new level. For my next service to Mistress, She has told me i am to serve as Her toilet slave for (2) 24 hour periods.... 2 full days!! This is a significant development in my slave training, service, and life!! Mistress is a wonderful Owner and is caring of Her slave. Given this significant progression, there will be a break in the 24 hour periods... Mistress is concerned to not "overwhelm" Her slave. Although i am Hers, She is such a caring and compassionate Mistress when it comes to Her slave's long term well-being.

i was truly in shock at Her revelation. Shocked and excited!! i had hoped to further progress in O/our D/s relationship and truly cannot believe She has such faith in Her slave to serve Her in such a manor. i am nervous of not living up to Her standards while at the same time determined to serve in a manor consistent with Her superiority. i want to please Mistress and be Her most perfect slave. i'm sure that for most of the time, She will not consider me as much more than a toilet and my heart beats faster, my breath more rapid, at the thought! i only hope i truly please Her!! Mostly though, i am truly honored. This is by far the greatest privilege Mistress has thus far bestowed upon Her slave and a dream i thought would never go fulfilled. Being a toilet for Mistress Kristian is difficult but such an honor! i think i'm probably rambling but i am actually having trouble putting all of my emotions in to words (not usually a problem). i guess i can sum it up as as excitement, fear, reluctance, anticipation, honor, and gratitude all rolled in to one. i know that i am a toilet slave and feel truly blessed to have found Mistress and been deemed worthy enough to be a contractual slave to Her. i honestly count the days until service. i will make sure to do what ever it takes to prove my worth to Mistress. To be Her ultimate toilet slave!

Thank You beloved Goddess !!!

slave m425

Toilet Bench / Bed

i thought i would post a pic or two of my current toilet bed on which i am bound to serve Mistress. A brief description of how i came to this design is under my profile. It has only been a couple weeks but already i am missing being of service to Mistress Kristian. Hopefully i will soon be in service to Her again.

Musings

Had an "interesting" dream last night. i have no doubt it was based, at least in part, in my deep-felt desire to serve Mistress although probably not truly "do-able". Mistress came to me and told me of Her desire to modify O/our contract. i was to be Her complete toilet slave. Mistress said that if i decided to accept, my life would change significantly. As a reward to the slave (and Herself), i would be used by Her anywhere from 2 to 8 or more days per month (full days, full toilet service... 18 to 24 hours per day). She told me i was being made in to a real life toilet to Her. However, for this privilege, i would give up any right of "release" without Mistress's permission. i would live my life in chastity. i would be given the opportunity for release in some form or fashion, but only with Mistress's approval and only when She released me from chastity. i would not be able to have a relationship with anyone, in such a state. Any release would be by my own "means" or at best, i'd have to pay someone for the privilege or maybe, just maybe, but not likely at all, She would provide a manual release to Her slave (though a painful price would have to be paid for such an honor). Such would be my lot... the honor of being Her total toilet would come with a heavy price indeed. Perhaps She would let me make Her feel good from time to time with my slave mouth, but again, given my status as a slave, chastity would be enforced. mine would be mostly a life of deep frustration with sporadic allowances of pleasure. She felt that i should take pleasure in my service to Her, not through my own body.


Back to reality.....

How did i ever get so lucky to find a Mistress such as my Goddess, Mistress Kristian. i sincerely feel a deep sense of privilege and honor and shear luck to have found such a wonderful Mistress to serve. She is everything a slave such as i could wish for. Unbelievable beauty on the outside, even more so with Her new breasts. As beautiful as She is on the outside, Mistress is 100 times more perfect on the inside. Her spirit, warm attitude, and stern affection of Her slave is beyond compare. Thank You so much, beloved Goddess, for choosing to put Your "collar" around me. Never did i think i would find someone such as Mistress Kristian. i honestly don't know what i have done to be so absolutely fortunate to have found and been chosen by You to serve You under contract. i ache to serve You... to please You, Mistress Kristian. The gifts You bestow Your slave from deep within You are my nourishment; my substance. Thank You from the bottom of my heart, Mistress Kristian, for choosing this unworthy slave!!

Saturday Service to Mistress

Yesterday was a wonderful day although it was also disappointing as well. my beloved Mistress Kristian came to use Her doting slave yesterday (me). It had been far too long since i was last allowed the honor of looking upon Her supreme being. Mistress is my Goddess, my Beloved, and my Owner. She is my past, present, and future. The past several weeks have, in fact, been pure torture for this slave, having been denied the honor and privilege of serving Her, being used by Her… just being in Her presence!! Looking upon Her as She made Her way in through my door, i can honestly say i felt my knees become weak. Kneeling at Her feet, as She sat in the chair chatting with this unworthy slave, made my heart race. There is no where else in the world, a more divine creation than Mistress Kristian!! Even more so now. Her breast surgery afforded Her the most perfect breasts imaginable. She is the personification of perfection… in body, mind, spirit, and soul. Last night, reflecting upon my service earlier in the day, i had to chuckle slightly. A thought kept coming to mind… a scene really. i was reminded of the stories and movies of old… Cheverly of the 20’s or 30’s i think. The scene often went something like this: A woman and her escort were in need of crossing the street, stepping off a curb or something. However, there would be a mud puddle in her way and if she would step in it, her shoes would be ruined. Her escort, a man usually as well dressed as she, volunteered to help out by putting his coat over the puddle, thereby keeping her shoes (and her entire appearance) intact. This scene kept popping in my head as i continued to dwell on my devotion to Mistress Kristian. But no, just laying my coat over the puddle would not do. For Mistress, to keep Her from soiling Her outfit, shoes, and feet, i would in fact lay myself over the puddle and thus create a “human bridge” for Her to walk on. Such is my devotion to Goddess. Sure, laying my coat would serve the purpose, but for Beloved Mistress, i would always go the extra mile. Why would i just lay my coat down when She could walk across me, Her human bridge, guaranteeing She would stay “high and dry”.

Mistress had decided to use me as Her toilet for a few hours Saturday… 3 or 4. i never know how long She will ultimately keep me. i am a slave and do not need to know such things. my function is to serve Her, for as long as She desires. As is the norm, Mistress bound me to my bench beneath the toilet chair and placed the Kali’s Teeth chastity device on my slave cock. If i get too hard, it will bite very cruelly. Honestly, i was very uncertain what the day would hold. Mistress had expressed some interest in punishing me today as well and i honestly figured i’d be feeling Her lash or some other means of discipline. i had not allowed myself any sort of release over the last couple days in preparation of Her visit. i will be purchasing a chastity device very soon for just such a purpose. Just Her touch... the brush of Her bare leg against my skin as She bound me, Her soft hand touching my member as She applied the device… coupled with my lack of release over a few days… caused Kali to start bitting hard. That bite would only get worse. Unfortunately, Mistress had a bit of diarrhea it seemed. She chose to not use me for the first bowel movement because of this… She was concerned that it would be too much and overflow i suppose. However, She also did not have me clean Her after She was done. Why?? What had i done to displease Her were my thoughts. Am i not worthy to clean Her after using the bathroom?? Would Mistress not rather use Her slave as Her “paper” rather than cold scratchy toilet paper?? i truly felt useless to Mistress as She turned out the light in the bathroom and left. If i’m not good enough to consume Her waste or at least clean Her afterwards, what good am i kept going through my mind. However, Mistress did come and sit a short time later… depositing more of Her brown. Some were solid and some liquid but i at least felt useful again!! Oh, and my did Kali bite this time!!!!!!! i have never become so arouse during my toilet service. i don’t know if it was the lack of use the first time, the fact i am getting much better at consuming brown with no issue, or the fact i had been longing to see Her for so long but whatever the reason, i tried to become harder than i had in a long time. And did it ever hurt !!! i even tried to will it to go down... no luck. i felt honored at receiving the pain though. Such should be my fate for Mistress. There should be a price to be paid if i receive pleasure… this time in the form of Kali pushing hard against my shaft with her sharp points as i felt the pleasure of becoming aroused.

This was the first time i can say i truly enjoyed the taste of my Mistress’s brown waste. i still had a little trouble once but overall no problem swallowing. i honestly did enjoy the taste of my Mistress’s brown gifts in a unique way. The taste had not changed; i think that it’s the slave that is changing. Mistress used me again and this time a very full amount was given Her slave! i felt more like Her toilet than ever before. Once, She filled my mouth with a large amount of solid mixed with some liquid brown… just like a real toilet and i was able to flush it very well. However, i think it concerned Her a little and She finished in the regular toilet. And again, She wiped Herself rather than use me… back to feeling very inadequate! It is such an honor to clean Her... i know She finds it enjoyable... and not being allowed to give Her this gift really screwed with my mind. Is Mistress not happy with me??? Mistress left me for a while, bound of course in the toilet chair, to get Her nails done. i really missed Her while She was gone. i constantly strained to hear Her return. It is very lonely… bound waiting on Her return... hoping She will come to see and use me when She returns… anything to see Goddess!! After who knows how long, it felt like an hour or more, She came back. But… Mistress did not use me at all. i felt so worthless again… does She not need to use Her toilet??? i found myself wishing She would come in and punish me if She didn’t need to use the bathroom. Anything to just be around Her rather than just laying in the semi-dark of the bathroom wishing for Her. i would have gladly accepted any pain She dished out… anything to have Her around me!! Anything to be of use to Her!!! Shortly thereafter, the session ended and i again took my place at Mistress’s feet. It was very strange to not receive any of Her golden wine during my service!! It was a first I’m sure but a byproduct of Her using a conventional toilet as well as me.

It was a very wonderful session on many fronts... lots of “mind f$#*ing” it seemed. Why was it also disappointing?? Mistress was, as She always is, WONDERFUL!!!! i was disappointed in my abilities, my usefulness, my function. Mistress felt that i would not be able to handle all of Her gifts given Her state. i was very disappointed in myself that my abilities did not place confidence in Her that i would serve well. i so deeply want to be Your perfect slave, Your perfect toilet, dear Mistress, just as You are already the perfect Owner. A perfect toilet slave for You so that You may deposit everything without regard and know it will be flushed. Please accept my deepest apologies Mistress for my failure as a toilet slave to You. You deserve perfection and i shall provide it with my utmost being. You are perfection… my ultimate Owner.You, in Your compassion, chose to not use Your slave for all of Your requirements. Thank You for Your compassion, Mistress Kristian!! You are such a wonderful Dominate! But please accept my apology for failing to be Your ultimate toilet!!!

Thoughts & Best Wishes for Mistress

Mistress, i sincerely hope You are feeling better. i am very sorry that You were not feeling up to using me today. As soon as You are up to it, i would love to be Your toilet.

Being a toilet slave is mostly about managing boredom. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and for a toilet in service, i have to agree. Bound to my toilet bench, waiting for Mistress to need to use me, is the ultimate in anticipation. With nothing to do but wait for Mistress to place Her Goddess bottom on my face to relieve Her requirements, my senses seem to be on edge. Every sound, listening intently, is amplified. Wondering when She will need me drives my every sense to strain… wondering when/if i will see Her. Then, excitement… Mistress comes in to use the bathroom. She doesn’t regard me, only turns and sits. my function is clear… i am only useful to Her to consume Her waste. i am the ultimate in recycling. All to quickly, She is done. After cleaning Herself (or me cleaning Her), she pulls up Her pants and She’s gone. All to quickly, the object of my adoration is gone. But it is always worth it. To see Mistress, to be Her object of waste disposal, if only for a few seconds is bliss. Mistress, i am Your toilet… Your object that You use for Your benefit.

Thank You Goddess

Background

i doubt that anyone will be following this blog except for my Owner, but just in case, a little background and warning is in order.

i am a slave to Mistress Kristian, under contract to Her for at least one year. i have known and served Mistress as a sub for around a year part time as a Pro Domme and it has been an outstanding experience. About a month ago, Mistress approached me with an amazing proposal. Rather than continuing with pro type sessions, She offered me unbelievable option of being a real, contractually obligated, slave to Her. Now, here's where the warning comes in... most often i am a toilet slave to Mistress.. a FULL toilet slave. For anyone under 18 or those not familiar with what i am speaking of, please leave and find out before following!

i know to most that this is an "unorthodox" or "gross" type of slavery but to me, and many others in the lifestyle, it is the most submissive of services and a true honor to be owned as such a slave to a Goddess such as my Mistress. However, within a few confines of the contract (such as STD health, etc) Mistress owns the right to who uses me and how. i am not just a toilet to Her but also can be disciplined as She desires, worship Her as She desires, and be loaned or used by who She chooses. i am not bi, but Mistress owns the right to force that as well.

More often than not, She will be the only one who uses me, though. She has to right to have me serve several times a month from anywhere from 4 hour to multiple day sessions as a bound toilet. Mistress will bind be on a bench beneath a toilet chair and only consider me when She needs to rid Her body of some type of waste product (solid or liquid). i must consume all of what is given or suffer Her disappoint and wrath.

i am filled with nervous anticipation of the coming year. How will i do? What all will She require? Will i meet Her standards? However, more than anything i am filled with a deep sense of honor and privilege. i've often dreamed of such a situation but never though it would be fulfilled and especially by a Goddess of the Royal caliber of my Owner. i may never ask to have any type of sexual relations with Mistress. She will let me know if and when that is desired but truth be told, being Her full and without limit toilet holds great gratification to me. Taking a part of my Mistress Kristian's body in to mine, consuming Her waste as my nourishment, provides a deeper sense of honor, respect, loyalty, and gratification than most "vanilla" people can possibly know. It is exceptionally difficult, sure. Especially the brown sometimes. But it is a part of my Goddess from deeper within Her than anything else could be. She is my royal Goddess Owner.

Sure, Mistress is very beautiful. A Goddess on the outside but She is so much more on the inside. Her attitude.. Her very soul... helps complete me. She is so much more beautiful on the inside than even Her stunning looks are on the outside. Being an object that such a heavenly creature uses to rid Her body of its waste products is more of a privilege than most ever know. Outside of a session i am a person but once the "collar" goes on, i am an object for Her use. my only reason for being is to serve Her as a foot stool, foot cleaner, toilet, etc. i give myself over to Her with excitement and honor each time. She is so far above me that to only be something She uses is a deep and utter privilege. She has already become so much to me that words cannot describe how deeply grateful i am that She has chosen me to be one of Her real-life toilet slaves. i am sure that as the year progresses, i will become even more of an object to Her but my hope is to become one of Her most prized possessions!!

Why am i writing this blog?? As a condition of my contract, i must post at least 2 updates per month as to my feelings/emotions/progress as a slave. i must say that it was a wonderful idea by Mistress... though She is always full of wonderful ideas.

Thank You so much for this opportunity, Mistress Kristian!! i adore You fully and completely!!! i shall obey all commands and accept with open arms Your dominance over me... Your view of me as little more than an object to be used by You... Your living toilet bowl.

Your adoring and humble slave

slave m425

First Post

my first post for Mistress Kristian to view & review. i sincerely hope everything goes according to plan tomorrow.

More to follow... this is a "test"